


Boys Will Be

by EmpressCactuar



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Eventual Happy Ending, Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, Gabi is Reiner's sister, Hand Jobs, Horny Teenagers, Internalized Homophobia, Lack of Communication, M/M, Religion, Requested fic, Teenagers, background Annie/Marcel, background Porco/Pieck, bertholdt and pieck and udo are siblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-05
Updated: 2020-12-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:46:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 38,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25724593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmpressCactuar/pseuds/EmpressCactuar
Summary: That sounded like a terrible idea. Bertholdt was aware of his feelings towards Reiner, and truthfully being friends-with-benefits with someone he was falling for sounded like it was going to set him up for heartbreak.(Reiner and Bertholdt become friends with benefits despite their feelings towards one another)
Relationships: Reiner Braun/Bertolt Hoover
Comments: 22
Kudos: 161





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It's been a minute since I wrote anything. To the person who requested this fic, I'm sorry it took me so long to start writing it... I said I was going to do it before I even wrote Pearls. But better late than never.  
> I hope this fic winds up being what you wanted. I worry sometimes that my request fills aren't what the reader wants... The POV will change back and forth, this one is more Bertholdt's POV. Next should be Reiner's. ^^

Bertholdt fidgeted with his pencil while he thought about the solution to the math problem on his paper in front of him. He never was one for math class; he thrived more in classes that afforded him the ability to be expressive as opposed to the strict rules of mathematics. He wished Reiner was there with him, because Reiner was good at math. Sure, Armin was in his class, but he was chatting with Eren. 

He wanted math class to be over so he could go to the band room and start playing his tuba. The low, bass sounds from his tuba helped soothe him, whenever he wasn’t getting frustrated with keeping time or remembering where the fuck they were when his mind wandered at times. 

The fact that all of his friends took music class was an added bonus, really. Even his sister was there, and it was the most fun he had all day while he was at school. Reiner, Porco, Marcel, Annie, Pieck… it really was a good time. He could ask Reiner for help with his math homework after they finished up, because Pieck was going to be busy after school with her club. 

Bertholdt quickly shoved his papers into his folder, then into his bag as soon as the bell rang. Bertholdt wasn’t too far from the band room, so he made his way over quickly. Annie and Reiner were already there; the two of them took history together with Mr. Smith beforehand, and his room was close to the band room. 

Reiner turned around when he heard the door open and gave his friend a wide smile. “Hey, Bertl! I didn’t get to see you this morning. I was late dropping Gabi off at school before I headed over.” Right. Reiner dropped Gabi off at school in the mornings, then drove himself to school afterward. Usually they got to hang out together before school, but Reiner had curiously been absent. 

“It’s fine, Reiner. Gabi needs to go to school too.” Reiner laughed and went to get his baritone saxophone, Bertholdt following behind in the meantime to get his tuba. Reiner wasn’t actually a member of the marching band at the moment; during football season, he and Marcel played with the football team and couldn’t play with them outside of school. Whenever the spring came, Bertholdt and Porco would bow out of the band to play on the basketball team. 

“You doing anything after school today, Bertl?” Reiner asked absentmindedly while he tuned his saxophone. Marcel and Porco came in, the two of them grabbing their trumpets. Marcel gave them a quick wave, then went to try and flirt with Annie. To no avail, it would seem. 

…Was that a tiny smile on Annie’s face? 

“No, I was just going to go home. Pieck is staying after school to meet with the anime club, and Udo is going to Falco’s tonight for a sleepover.” Reiner hummed and nodded, then played a few notes on his bari sax to make sure it was tuned. Bertholdt tuned his tuba, then saw his sister come into the room. Pieck seemed distracted, but Porco grabbed her bassoon and put it together for her. “I have some math homework I need to do, though.” 

“How about you stay after school and do your homework, then you and I can hang out after?” Reiner gave Bertholdt a confident smile, and Bertholdt felt his cheeks warm up. Bertholdt thought about it. Usually Mr. Berner stayed after school because Dr. Zoe stayed after, so he could ask his teacher for some help. “I was wanting to go get some milkshakes. Your dad cool with that, you think?” 

“Uh, probably… I won’t have the car, though. Dad said that Pieck gets it this weekend, so she’s going out with Porco and Annie tonight. Since Udo is going to Falco’s house, dad might like having the house to himself.” 

“We can just use my car. We gotta take Gabi home after football practice, though. But then we can go out. Milkshakes fine with you, Bertl?” Dr. Pixis came into the band room with a stack of papers, and sent everyone to their respective seats as soon as he was settled. Bertholdt gave a quick nod to Reiner’s question and went to sit with the brass section. Annie glanced to the side and gave Bertholdt a curt nod while she fidgeted with the valves on her horn. 

It was nice, playing music. They warmed up with some simple exercises, but Bertholdt found himself losing his place whenever his eyes wandered to Reiner playing his saxophone. Reiner wasn’t able to see him; but there was something about him holding his saxophone and making the notes sound just right that made Reiner seem so… handsome. 

…Ah. He recognized where they were after a moment and went back to playing his tuba. They’d played this music so many times, Bertholdt closed his eyes to keep himself from getting distracted; he didn’t need to read the music to be able to play it. The rest of class went decently smoothly, except for Dr. Pixis jumping on Porco and Marcel for ignoring the mezzo-piano sign and playing like their music said fortissimo instead. 

“Hey, you doing anything after school?” Pieck asked after class ended. Reiner went ahead and went on; he was always concerned about his grades and class, as much as some people thought of him as a dumb jock. Bertholdt glanced down at his sister and raised his brows, prompting her to go on. “I was just wondering. Me, Porco and Annie are going out. Marcel is at football practice with Reiner and I didn’t want you feeling left out.” 

“Oh, no. I’m going out with Reiner after he’s done with practice. I think I overheard Marcel say he’s going to play his game with Armin and Ymir.” Pieck nodded and shrugged her shoulders. She looked tired; Bertholdt knew she’d been studying a lot lately. She did get the brains between the two of them, after all. 

“Suit yourself. I’ll see you later.” Bertholdt nodded and glanced down at his bag. He really needed to get started on all that math homework. 

  


Reiner had wet hair when Bertholdt saw him again, and he couldn’t help but swallow and feel his face burn at the sight. Of course Reiner’s hair would be wet; he took a shower after practice so he wouldn’t reek of sweat when they went out. But there was something about it that just made Reiner seem a tad more… attractive? 

He was already considered one of the hottest guys in school. He’d overheard rumors from the cheerleaders about how badly they wanted to get with him. Bertholdt had also heard rumors about Reiner being a playboy who slept with most of the cheerleaders, but he knew that to be false. Reiner was a goofy dork who liked staying home and playing with his sister, or playing his saxophone for the stray cats in his neighborhood. 

Bertholdt swallowed and pushed down the fluttering in his chest. 

Yes, he had a crush on his longtime friend. Yes, Reiner knew that he was bisexual. But no, Reiner didn’t know that Bertholdt had feelings for him. 

Reiner had a crush on Christa, anyways. It didn’t matter. 

“Hey, Bertl. Finish your math homework? Sorry you had to wait on me.” Reiner laughed and scratched the back of his neck, but Bertholdt shook his head and gave his friend a smile. 

“It’s fine, Reiner. If I was that concerned about going home, I would’ve just taken a bus home.” Reiner nodded and hovered behind Bertholdt. “I’m having some trouble with this math, but I’m almost done.” 

In response to that, Reiner plucked Bertholdt’s worksheet off the desk and looked it over. 

“Hand me your pencil.” Reiner grabbed the pencil and hummed, him looking carefully at the paper. He put the paper back on the desk and jotted some numbers down on the paper in the answer spaces. “There! Done. Now you don’t need to worry about it.” 

“How did you do that?” Bertholdt asked incredulously, Reiner raising a brow in response. Reiner shrugged his shoulders. 

“Why does it matter? You want to be a professional artist, why does some pre-cal bother you?” Bertholdt rolled his eyes at Reiner’s non-answer. Reiner saw the gesture, them put on that cocky smile Bertholdt loved so much and stuffed the homework into Bertholdt’s notebook. “Don’t look at me like that, Bertl. After you finish school you don’t have to take math again.” 

“That doesn’t help me when I still have a whole year left of it after this one.” Bertholdt said plainly. Reiner was in his last year of school, but he still had another year left after this one. Reiner put an arm around Bertholdt’s neck whenever he stood. 

“I’ll show you how to do that later. Let’s go get some food. I’m starving.” Reiner grabbed his keys from the pouch on his gym bag and walked with Bertholdt to the pickup truck. In the middle, the seatbelt had one of Gabi’s stuffed bears strapped in. Bertholdt smiled at the toy and climbed into the truck. “So apparently Gabi went to Falco’s little sleepover too. Mom texted me and told me I didn’t need to take her home today.” 

“Gabi, Udo and Falco? Udo said they were going to play Falco’s new _Mario Party_ game. I guess she wanted to join them.” Bertholdt watched the green fly by while they drove past the trees, his mind wandering. He glanced over at the stuffed toy between them. “You know, I think Udo has a little crush on your sister.” 

“Yeah? She talks about Udo nonstop. Maybe she has a crush on your brother.” Reiner chuckled at the thought, then pulled into the parking lot of the small diner. He and Bertholdt got out of the truck and went inside. A familiar face greeted the two of them upon entering the diner. 

“Sasha? Since when do you work here?” Bertholdt asked when Sasha came to their booth. Sasha laughed and handed the menus to him and Reiner, then got her pad out to write their orders. 

“Since last week! You know I get an employee discount on the food here? I have it made, hehe...” Sasha almost looked ready to drool, but Reiner only shook his head and gave her a smile. “What do y’all want?” 

Sasha took their orders and returned with their food and milkshakes. Bertholdt was almost surprised by how much food Reiner had ordered: two double cheeseburgers, two orders of fries, a large chocolate milkshake, an ice cream sundae, a bowl of chili, some chicken strips… He looked down at his modest cheeseburger, fries and shake and wondered if he wasn’t eating much. 

“Did you get enough to eat, Reiner?” Bertholdt asked sarcastically, Reiner putting on an over-the-top, offended expression in response. He put his hand at his neck as though he were clutching a necklace. 

“I’m a growing boy! I need to eat!” Reiner said facetiously, then took another bite and finished some of his fries. “I’m always really hungry after practice. Don’t act like you don’t turn into a human garbage disposal during basketball season, Bertl. You know how it is.” Bertholdt couldn’t refute that; he ate a lot during his sports seasons and his dad complained about it sometimes. At least his season didn’t line up with Udo’s, or they'd bankrupt his dad with how much they ate. 

It was almost mind-boggling, watching Reiner eat all of that food and not seem uncomfortable in the slightest afterward. Reiner joked around with Sasha about it, her also being notorious about being able to scarf down food like no other. Bertholdt sipped on his milkshake and chatted with his two friends, but he felt guilty when Sasha’s boss started getting onto her about hanging out with them instead of working. 

“God! That was good. I forgot how much it cost to eat out, though…” Reiner said sheepishly after he and Bertholdt got back into his truck. His wallet had taken a beating, that was for sure. Bertholdt put on his seatbelt, then glanced over at his friend. 

“It wouldn’t be if you didn’t eat half the food back in the kitchen.” Bertholdt said sarcastically. Reiner started his truck, then pulled out. “My ticket was less than half yours…” 

“Oh, whatever. It was good, though. I needed that.” Reiner looked over at Bertholdt, then back to the road. “Want me to take you home? Or do you want to hang out longer? It’s Friday and I don’t have any plans tomorrow.” 

“I don’t want to go home just yet. Since my brother and sister are both out, it might be a little lonely.” Bertholdt said. Reiner hummed and drove around mindlessly, both of them enjoying the scenery. “Why’d Gabi put her doll in here?” 

“Oh, that? She thought it would be cute, and I didn’t care so I let her put it there.” Reiner eventually took the two of them out to an abandoned parking lot on the outskirts of town, then turned off the truck. He and Bertholdt got out and hopped into the bed of Reiner’s truck, the two of them sitting and enjoying the feeling of the warm air. Fall was upon them, and soon the tree’s leaves would be changing colors again. The sun was starting to go down, but neither of them had anywhere to be. “It’s scary, Bertholdt.” 

“What’s scary?” Bertholdt asked, glancing down at his friend. He was sitting with his knees pulled to his chest, but Reiner had decided to lay down in the bed of his truck, him resting his head on crossed arms. The sky was starting to turn pink and orange as the sun set. 

“It’s just. This is my last year of high school. Soon I’ll be going away to college. I’m a year older than most of my friends. I won’t get to see them every day at school like I do now.” Reiner was silent for a moment, then glanced up at Bertholdt. “I won’t get to see you every day like I do now. What am I going to do without my best friend by my side every single day? I don’t even remember a time I didn’t see you almost every day. You’ve been my best friend for as long as I can remember.” 

Bertholdt swallowed thickly at the question. But he didn’t know how to respond. He started to open his mouth to speak, but Reiner spoke before he had the chance. 

“It’s okay, Bertl. I’m just thinking out loud. I appreciate you listening to me.” Reiner was quiet, him closing his eyes and enjoying the sound of leaves rustling in the wind. 

“You’ll be close by, though. Aren’t you going to University of Marley? That’s just on the other side of Liberio.” 

“Yes. But it won’t be the same.” Reiner got up and moved to sit next to Bertholdt, him stretching his legs down the bed of his truck while Bertholdt kept his pulled to his chest. “I’m really, really going to miss you, Bertl.” Bertholdt felt his face heat up, and he swallowed. He glanced over and saw immensely vulnerable eyes looking back at him. Reiner almost looked... sad? 

“I’m going to miss you too, Reiner. It won’t feel right going to school without you there.” Bertholdt leaned back into the back window of Reiner’s truck and watched the stars start twinkling. “You thinking about what all you want to do before you go?” 

“Yeah. I have been. You know, all the movie make it seem like you get with a girl and it’s happily ever after. I can’t imagine just pulling through, winning some football game, then riding off with Christa into the sunset.” Reiner was silent for a moment, then started twiddling his thumbs. “Not that she’d want anything to do with me anyways.” 

“What’s that about? You sound down.” Reiner looked up at the sky and kept fidgeting. “Normally you’re so confident and you seem like you really want to get with her.” It hurt Bertholdt to say that. He wanted to be selfish, take Reiner for himself. Ride off into the sunset after one of Reiner’s football games, perhaps. 

“Christa doesn’t seem like she wants anything to do with me sometimes. I mean, she treats me better than she treats Marlowe and Hitch, and everyone else.” Reiner was quiet and glanced over at Bertholdt. “I guess that makes two of us, huh, Bertl?” 

“Hmm?” Bertholdt made a confused sound and looked down at his friend. “What do you mean, Reiner?” Reiner closed his eyes and sighed. 

“Well, neither of us can get the girls we like. Christa is with Ymir, and Annie has been flirting a lot with Marcel lately.” Reiner leaned back and shook his head. “What are we going to do?” 

Bertholdt was confused. He felt nothing towards Annie that way? She was a friend, but nothing more than that. Same as him and Sasha, or him and Porco. But Reiner didn’t seem to have much to say. 

“…Bertholdt. I have to tell you something. Please, please don’t get upset with me.” Reiner started, looking at Bertholdt nervously. Bertholdt stretched out his legs and felt his stomach start to knot. Reiner looked seriously worried. 

“What’s wrong, Reiner?” Bertholdt asked, reaching out a hand and touching Reiner’s shoulder. 

“I… Well. I had sex with Annie during the summer. A couple of times. I… I knew how you felt about her and I did it anyways.” Bertholdt felt some type of way about the confession, but he wasn’t exactly sure how to describe his feelings. “I’m so sorry, Bertl, please forgive me…” 

One of his favorite masturbation fantasies was him and Reiner deflowering one another, so that went out the window because apparently Reiner wasn’t a virgin. But it was foolish to fantasize about that anyways. Reiner didn’t seem to mind anyone else being gay, but Reiner always acted oddly if anyone suggested that about him. 

Also… why Annie? Reiner and Annie were friends, yes… Had they been in a relationship? He couldn’t remember them acting differently at all. 

“You were dating Annie…?” That was the first thing Bertholdt could think to ask, and Reiner immediately shook his head. 

“No! No. I promise it wasn’t like that. You remember that party the Galliards had and we all went out to have that bonfire?” Bertholdt nodded, then noticed a couple of tears prickling at the corners of Reiner’s eyes. “After you and Pieck left, Annie got in my truck and I was going to take her home. She decided she felt like talking and opening up, and then it just sort of… happened.” 

“Reiner, why are you telling me this?” Bertholdt asked. He felt upset, because part of him wanted to keep Reiner for himself and he went off with someone else. He felt sad, because he wanted Reiner to be his. He felt confused, because tears were pouring out of Reiner’s eyes while he kept apologizing. 

“I knew you wanted to be with Annie, and she and I hooked up anyways.” Reiner shook his head and wiped at his eyes. “You’re my best friend and I betrayed you. I’m so sorry, Bertl.” Reiner breathed deeply and wiped his eyes until they were dry. “It didn’t mean anything. I swear, it didn’t.” 

“I’m not in love with Annie, Reiner. Why would you think that?” Bertholdt asked, him leaning over and holding Reiner to help him calm down. Reiner breathed deeply but didn’t meet Bertholdt’s eyes. 

“You’re always staring at her, watching her. Everyone notices. She’s noticed too.” Reiner closed his eyes and relaxed at the feeling of Bertholdt’s form. “Why would you do that if you aren’t crushing on her, Bertl?” 

“Ah, I stare at her?” Bertholdt felt his face burn, then he fidgeted with his fingers. “I just like the way she dresses, I like her fashion sense… and her hair looks so soft, I want to ask her what products she uses but I don’t want her to think I’m being weird…” Bertholdt gave an awkward laugh, Reiner looking up to meet his eyes. His brows were furrowed. 

“You… you’re not in love with Annie?” Reiner asked, his words unsure. Bertholdt shook his head, and Reiner seemed to sigh in relief. “I must look like an idiot right now.” 

“No, it’s fine.” Bertholdt had so many questions. Why did Reiner and Annie hook up? He never got the feeling that Reiner was interested in anyone, really. Between the band, football, his sister, his church activities, his friends… Reiner just seemed too busy. “I’m not mad at you, Reiner. It’s surprising, I guess. I didn’t see you to be someone to hook up with a friend, I guess.” 

“Hmm. I… didn’t really care for it. It was okay.” Reiner’s words seemed like he was almost ashamed, but he didn’t seem up for talking. Bertholdt badly wanted to ask Reiner more questions. “I just felt like sex was something I was supposed to do.” 

“Do you regret it?” Bertholdt asked, and he wondering if he should’ve opened his mouth. Reiner was quiet, and the silence was tense. Reiner nodded against him. He seemed to have calmed down, so Bertholdt let go of him. 

“I do.” No elaboration. Was Reiner upset about having premarital sex? Probably not… his sister was born out of wedlock and he didn’t seem bothered by anyone having sex. He knew Reiner sometimes worried about his religion but if that was something bothering him, Reiner wasn’t going to talk about it right now. 

Bertholdt tried hard to quash the feelings of jealousy bubbling in his core. Reiner wasn’t his. 

“Sex isn’t something you have to do to be a normal teenager, Reiner.” Bertholdt said, but Reiner didn’t say anything. 

“Do you want to? You never seem like you want to be with anyone. You’re a great guy, Bertl. Any person would be lucky to have you.” Reiner’s words sounded genuine. And Bertholdt thought back to Reiner’s comments about dumb teenage movies. He wanted to take Reiner’s hand into his own, confess his feelings, then Reiner would blush and they’d kiss. Then the credits would roll and they’d get a happily ever after. 

“I mean… I guess so? Yeah… I am a teenager.” It was quiet, and the sky was pink and purple with stars smattering the sky. Bertholdt closed his eyes and leaned back, breathing in the air. 

A hand started rubbing Bertholdt’s thigh, and his eyes snapped open. Reiner’s hand was rubbing his leg, and Bertholdt felt his stomach do a flip inside of him. Reiner was looking at his leg, but Bertholdt wasn’t sure what to do. 

“Reiner…?” The hand rubbing his thigh stopped, and Reiner looked up at him. “W-what are you doing?” 

“Want me to stop?” Reiner asked. Bertholdt froze for a moment, but then shook his head. If he was confused before, he wasn’t even sure what to call it now. Reiner went back to rubbing his leg, the hand roaming closer to his crotch. Bertholdt swallowed and felt his pants tightening in spite of himself. “Let me know if you’re uncomfortable, Bertl…” 

“Yeah.” After a moment, Reiner’s hand went to unbutton his pants, then slipped inside. Bertholdt chewed his lower lip at the feeling of Reiner’s hand rubbing his erection through his underwear. But then Reiner rubbed just right and Bertholdt couldn’t help but buck his hips. “Reiner…” 

“Good?” Reiner asked, getting a nod back from his friend. Reiner started tugging at Bertholdt’s pants, and Bertholdt helped by pulling them down. In the back of his mind, Bertholdt was worried they would get caught. But the feeling of Reiner stroking him carefully made that thought disappear quickly. 

“O-oh, god…” Bertholdt let out a moan and breathed in time with Reiner’s strokes. It felt so much different having someone else jerking him off, in a good way. Bertholdt put an arm around Reiner’s shoulders and slowly thrust his hips in time with the strokes. “Mmm, yes…” 

Reiner started stroking faster, and Bertholdt squeezed his eyes shut tighter when he did so. He couldn’t help but let his head lull to the side, so it was resting on Reiner’s shoulder. And in that moment, Bertholdt realized just where he was at and what was happening. 

He was in the bed of Reiner’s truck. He’d been there countless times before. He was sitting with Reiner, talking. Also done god knows how many times. And Reiner was beating him off. Bertholdt wanted to panic, but with each stroke and moan that escaped from his lips, Bertholdt’s mind wandered to chasing his orgasm and not much else. 

“Almost there?” Reiner asked, getting a nod in return. Reiner shifted and pulled some napkins he’d stolen from the diner out of his pocket, then stroked faster and harder. Bertholdt was a gooey mess at that point, only moaning quietly and thrusting his hips. 

“Hnng, oh god…” Bertholdt brought a hand to cover his mouth whenever Reiner finished him off, him taking the napkins and making sure Bertholdt didn’t make a mess. Bertholdt found himself relaxing and sagging against the back window of Reiner’s truck while Reiner cleaned him up and pulled his pants back on. “Reiner…” 

“Bertl.” Reiner said, him watching his friend carefully while Bertholdt relaxed. He had a content smile on his face, but he started to feel anxious after he came back from his own ecstasy. Bertholdt felt his face light ablaze while he looked at Reiner. 

“Uh-uh… Reiner, what…?” Reiner was staring at him intensely, and his eyes looked so much more vulnerable than Bertholdt was used to seeing. In that moment, he couldn’t help but start stuttering. 

“I just thought you might like it. You’re single, and I’m single, and I thought it’d be okay if I made you feel good… was that okay?” Reiner seemed sheepish, like he was afraid he made a serious mistake. Bertholdt was nervous, but nodded. It was pretty good. He so desperately wanted to believe that it meant something to Reiner, but he couldn’t be sure. 

“Yeah, it was okay. More than okay, actually…” The two of them sat in silence and watched the stars overheard. It was going to be getting late before long, and Reiner would need to take him home. 

“Reiner?” A hum, Reiner looking over at him. “Do you want me to… you know…” Bertholdt found himself unable to speak, so he made a hand gesture. 

“No, it’s okay. I appreciate it, Bertl.” Reiner was silent, but then turned to the side and leaned close to Bertholdt. “If you want… we can do this again. You know. Just fooling around.” 

That sounded like a terrible idea. Bertholdt was aware of his feelings towards Reiner, and truthfully being friends-with-benefits with someone he was falling for sounded like it was going to set him up for heartbreak. 

But dear god the thought of being intimate with Reiner was too irresistible. How many times had he stood in the shower imagining just that? Bertholdt nodded, Reiner nodding back and humming. The two of them got out of the bed of Reiner’s truck and got back in, the two of them buckling in while Reiner drove back towards Bertholdt’s home. “Bertholdt?” 

“Hmm?” Bertholdt looked over at Reiner and turned down the radio. Reiner kept watching the road and didn’t look at him, instead focusing on the familiar streets. 

“What are you doing tomorrow? Wanna hang out?” Reiner glanced over at Bertholdt. “It’s fine if not. I might just stay home and play my sax if you’re busy.” Bertholdt thought about his weekend. He’d finished up his math homework. Maybe Reiner could show him how to actually do it. Listening to Reiner play his saxophone could be nice and relaxing. 

“Yeah, we can hang out. Your place or mine?” Reiner pulled up to Bertholdt’s house and parked outside. The car that Bertholdt shared with Pieck was still gone, so she wasn’t home yet. It’d just be him and his dad. Maybe they could watch some movies together. Bertholdt grabbed his messenger bag and set it in his lap after he took off his seatbelt. 

“We can hang out at your place. That way I can eat some of your mom’s food.” Bertholdt laughed and hopped out of Reiner’s truck. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Reiner. I’ll text you when I’m on my way to your place, okay?” 

“Sounds good to me, Bertl. I’ll see you tomorrow. Have a good night, okay?” Reiner flashed a grin at Bertholdt and adjusted himself in his seat. “Try not to dream about me too much.” Bertholdt rolled his eyes, but Reiner stuck his tongue out at him before he closed the door. Reiner drove away, back to his own home. 

Reiner didn’t realize he really gave Bertholdt a challenge when he said not to dream about him too much. 

At the end of the night, Bertholdt still couldn’t help but wonder what the _hell_ kind of day he’d had. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! I've been working lots and lots of overtime at work because I want money.

“There are six verses in the bible that reference homosexuality, all of which are negative. I’d like to start by discussing God’s creation of the original man and woman, Adam and Eve.” Reiner kept his bible open in front of him while Pastor Nick spoke at the front of the church. He wanted to squirm uncomfortably. He glanced to the side and saw Gabi looking bored; she glanced over at him and stuck her tongue out at him. Reiner stuck his tongue back out at his sister, but their mother lightly swatted both of their legs. 

“Behave, you two. This is a holy place.” Reiner and Gabi both went back to looking at their bibles while the pastor spoke. Reiner used to love coming to church. The youth group would talk about how much God loved them, and how Jesus taught them to be kind people. Love thy neighbor, all that good stuff. They would sometimes make things for less fortunate people. Reiner remembered the first time he helped run the soup kitchen fondly, and he really felt connected with his faith. 

When his old pastor moved away, the new pastor came in and things changed. His sermons were much more fire-and-brimstone, as opposed to the loving messages preached by the former pastor. Lots of people left and went to other churches, but Reiner’s mother insisted on remaining. This was the same church she attended as a child. And Reiner felt an attachment as well, but with Pastor Nick’s arrival Reiner sound himself unsure if he was attached to the church itself or his old pastor. 

It was easier to ignore until Reiner started noticing he had a preference for men. But realizing he was actually an abomination gave him severe anxiety every time he came to church. The only thing to look forward to were the loving messages he and Gabi got at youth group meetings on Wednesday nights. Reiner wasn’t alone; Gabi didn’t seem to like the new pastor at all, and she made sure to loudly tell their mother what she thought whenever their mom tried to wrangle Gabi into her Sunday dress. 

“Adam and Eve represent the pinnacle of humanity, before sin came into this world. One man. One woman. As things are supposed to be.” Reiner shrunk into the pew and adjusted the tie that made his neck feel way too hot. Reiner felt so much love towards God… God wouldn’t really hate him, would he? 

Maybe if he kept pursuing women, he would snap out of it eventually? But wasn’t he made this way? He didn’t remember making a choice. But God wouldn’t make him gay if it was a sin. But God also doesn’t make mistakes, does he? Reiner was taught as a child that everyone is made just the way God wanted them to be. 

God, he was confused. It didn’t bother him that people he knew weren’t straight. Bertholdt was bi, Annie was bi, Ymir was a lesbian, Hitch was bi, Connie was ace and aro, Marco was gay, Sasha was pan… but the thought of being gay himself was terrifying. 

He didn’t want to burn forever and ever. God was supposed to love him. That’s what the youth group leader always taught. That was what the old pastor taught. What was the truth? Reiner certainly didn’t think any of his friends were going to burn forever. They were good people. 

After church let out, Reiner and Gabi walked with their mother to the car and got inside. Reiner took the passenger seat while Gabi got into the backseat of the car. Gabi crossed her arms and pouted as soon as she was buckled in. 

“I hate Pastor Nick! I don’t want to listen to him anymore!” Gabi piped up once they were out of the parking lot and on the road. Karina shook her head and looked at Gabi’s pouting, angry face in the rear-view mirror. “He makes me feel bad! The old pastor was nice!” 

“Gabi, things change. I miss the old pastor too, but no matter who’s preaching we listen to the word of God and accept His commandments.” Reiner was silent while he watched the cars passing them. His mother was a slow driver, and at times it was frustrating. He wanted to call her old, but she wasn’t even 40 yet. “Besides, he hasn’t been preaching anything not in the bible.” Reiner wanted to shrink into the car seat and not come back out. 

“I don’t want to listen about God hating people! I miss God loving people!” Gabi said, getting a head shake from her mother. Reiner chewed his lip and listened to his sister bicker at his mother. 

“God loves all of his people, Gabi.” Gabi frowned. 

“If God loved everyone, he wouldn’t make them burn forever and ever! That’s a long time!” 

His mother was _absolutely_ a loving mother. She was so interested in everything he did, went to all of his football games, went to the school concerts where he played his saxophone, made him special meals, sometimes she kissed his cheeks even though he insisted it was embarrassing… 

Reiner was so afraid if she knew that he was gay she would hate him. The idea of his family rejecting him was more painful than the thought of burning in Hell for all eternity. Gabi calling him an abomination, his mother kicking him out… surely he would break if they did that. 

He didn’t even have any proof she would do any of that. For all Reiner knew, his mom could accept him and kiss his cheeks and reaffirm that God loves him. But he didn’t _know._

“Hey, mom. Bertl’s coming over later.” Reiner told his mom whenever they got home. “He was going to yesterday but he had to go and help his dad with something.” He’d been disappointed, but he just grabbed his saxophone and played for the neighborhood cats. They would come and sit with him, and Gabi would pet them. 

“Oh, that’s fine. Gabi and I need to go out later, she needs to get some things from the store for that project her teacher assigned. Do you want to go with us?” Reiner shook his head at his mother’s question. Going to buy glitter and glue sticks didn’t sound like something he was really in the mood for. 

Gabi stripped off her church dress and changed into her tank and shorts the second she barreled into the house. Reiner took off the tie and made sure to put the church clothes in the hamper for their mother to wash. He tossed on his t-shirt and sweatpants to lounge around in, then turned on his playstation. 

Marcel was online, as were Annie and Connie. But Gabi came into the living room and wanted to spend time with Reiner, so they just played some pokemon together on their switch. Reiner even let Gabi nickname all of the pokemon that he caught. After some time, there was a knock on the door. 

“I’ll get it!” Gabi hopped off the couch and ran to the front door, opening it up and finding Bertholdt standing there. “Hi, Bertl! Reiner said you were coming over.” 

Bertholdt laughed and reached down to tousle Gabi’s hair. “Yeah, I was supposed to come over yesterday. But I’m here now.” Bertholdt came in and heard Gabi close the door behind him. She ran to the couch and beat him there, her plopping into the spot Bertholdt had planned on sitting in. Bertholdt felt a tad annoyed, but walked around and sat on the other side of Reiner. “Hey, Reiner? Will you show me how to do that math later?” 

“Why are you doing homework? It’s the weekend! It’s time to have fun!” Gabi almost seemed offended at the idea of doing homework on the weekend. Bertholdt laughed when Reiner looked to the side and pushed her lightly. “Quit it!” 

“Hey, Gabi, how about I give you the game? Bertl and I are going to hang out in my room, okay?” Gabi eagerly accepted the controller, then changed the game in the system. Reiner nodded his head towards the door to his room, Bertholdt following him and putting his messenger bag down on the floor by Reiner’s desk. “Yeah, I can help you with your homework. Let’s get it done so you don’t need to worry about it.” 

“Thanks, Reiner. I appreciate it.” Bertholdt took the worksheet out of his bag, the paper slightly wrinkled where Reiner had handled it a few days before. “If you can just show me how to do it a couple of times, I should be fine.” 

“Of course. So to add or subtract polynomials…” Reiner started explaining the process and helping Bertholdt out. It took a few tries, but eventually Bertholdt found himself able to start figuring out the polynomial equations on his own. He’d need to keep practicing, but Bertholdt wasn’t as worried about math exams anymore. “Feeling better, Bertl?” 

“Yeah. Thanks Reiner.” Bertholdt caught sight of Reiner’s saxophone case in the corner of his room. Personally, he didn’t take his tuba home just to play it very often. Pieck liked playing her bassoon from time to time, but he’d rather work on his art when he was fooling around at home. Reiner’s walls were littered with medals and awards, and football trophies sat on his bookshelf. 

Bertholdt had similar basketball awards at home, but not as many as Reiner. 

“I’ve been practicing with my bari sax lately. I heard Dr. Pixis has a piece he wants us to play next spring that has a bari sax solo, so I’ve been practicing a lot lately.” Bertholdt laughed and sat on the end of Reiner’s bed, then plopped back. 

“I bet the cats have been happy.” Reiner snorted and shook his head. 

“Gabi’s been feeding them lots of treats whenever they come around. They’re putting on some weight. Mom wants us to stop because there are a bunch of cats that hang around our house now.” Reiner moved to sit next to Bertholdt on the bed, then looked around his room. “I like the little black cat that lays on its side.” 

“Reiner? Can I ask you something?” Bertholdt asked after a moment. Reiner glanced to the side and looked at his friend. He cocked an eyebrow and nodded for Bertholdt to go on. “Promise to not get upset?” 

“Sure. What’s up, Bertholdt?” Reiner asked. Bertholdt fidgeted with his fingers. 

“Was there a reason you had sex with Annie? You just… acted oddly after you confessed. And you had a weird look in your eyes.” Reiner felt frozen when Bertholdt asked the question. Bertholdt must have noticed, because he looked concerned. “Reiner? Are you okay?” 

“Yeah, I’m fine. I just…” Bertholdt wouldn’t understand the feelings he’d been having. His family wasn’t particularly religious, they only went to church every now and then. His family accepted his bisexuality with open arms. “I don’t want to talk about it.” 

“Are you sure, Reiner? It’s only me, you know I won’t judge you.” Reiner looked over at Bertholdt and shook his head. He knew Bertholdt wouldn’t judge him. 

“Please, Bertholdt. I don’t want to talk about that.” Annie hadn’t forced him. Quite the opposite, both of them did it willingly. He just wanted to badly to enjoy it, get confirmation that he definitely wasn’t gay. But all having sex with a girl did was make him close to certain that he definitely wasn’t attracted to women. Even the second, fourth, fifth time he didn’t find himself attracted to her. 

The friction itself felt good, but it was best when he closed his eyes and pretended he was fucking someone else. 

“Okay. I’m sorry, Reiner. I shouldn’t have intruded.” Reiner shook his head and gave a soft smile to his friend. How kind and understanding of Bertholdt. Bertholdt smiled back at him, and those adorable dimples on his cheeks showed. Reiner wanted to pinch his cheeks. 

Reiner’s heart fluttered at the adorable man in front of him. But as soon as he started to feel the affection bubbling within him, Reiner turned away and tried to quash those feelings. 

He couldn’t have feelings for Bertholdt! Even if Bertholdt was handsome, kind, smart, funny, considerate, caring, hot… 

Reiner swallowed and looked to the side. He wanted Bertholdt. He needed Bertholdt. But temptation led to sin. It was a sin to lie with another man. God would let him burn. 

But God was supposed to love him. Would a loving God let him burn? 

Premarital sex was a sin, and his mother had never been married. She wasn’t going to burn, was she? Reiner didn’t think so. He’d had sex and he wasn’t married, was he going to burn for that? If so, why worry about being gay if he was going to hell anyways? 

Reiner realized Bertholdt was staring at him and gave his friend a smile. Dear god, he wanted Bertholdt all to himself. Wanted to take him on dates, wanted to put his arm around him at school, wanted to take him to prom, wanted Bertholdt to wear his letterman jacket around the school. 

Bertholdt would look so damn hot in a tuxedo. For prom? …For a wedding? 

Reiner was snapped out of his thoughts by a knock on the door. He turned around quickly, then stood and opened the door. Gabi was standing there with a small notepad in her hand. “Mommy says we’re going to the store! Do you need anything?” 

“Uh… get me some snacks. And some pencils and a notebook for school.” Gabi stuck her tongue out while she wrote on the notepad. Reiner watched her, him not wanting to just close the door on her. 

“Snacks, then! Got it.” Reiner shook his head when Gabi trotted off. She was good at ignoring things about school. Reiner grabbed his phone and sent a quick text to his mom so he was sure the pencils and paper wouldn’t be forgotten. Reiner gestured for Bertholdt to follow him to the living room. 

The sound of his mom’s car starting and driving away confirmed they were alone. Reiner grabbed the remote to the TV and turned it on while Bertholdt plopped down on the sofa next to him. 

They watched TV for a few minutes. But Reiner kept glancing over and seeing Bertholdt looking at him. For a moment he wasn’t sure if he had something on his face, but he didn’t feel anything when he rubbed his face to check. Just a small bit of stubble. 

Dear god, he wanted Bertholdt so bad. Wanted to make love, get married, have a family, retire on the beach… Was that okay? 

No. He couldn’t drag Bertholdt down with him. But at the same time, Reiner couldn’t help but be selfish, and… 

“Bertl?” Bertholdt glanced over at Reiner. 

“Yeah?” 

“Remember… uhm. Remember that offer I made in the bed of my truck the other day?” Bertholdt’s face immediately turned red, and Reiner couldn’t help but think it was cute the way Bertholdt looked flustered. “I was wondering if you wanted to, uhm, fool around a little?” 

Bertholdt was quiet, and looked for a moment like he was trying to process what was asked of him, but then he nodded slowly. Reiner nodded and scooted next to Bertholdt on the couch. “Reiner? Is it okay if I kiss you?” 

Maybe he was too quick and enthusiastic with the nod he gave Bertholdt. But then Bertholdt leaned forward and pressed their lips together, and Reiner couldn’t help but feel like his heart was about to explode. 

Yes, this was what he wanted. This was what he so badly wanted to feel those nights with Annie. It was wrong, and it was a sin, but it felt so right that Reiner couldn’t help but moan and wrap his arms around Bertholdt’s torso. Simple pecks quickly turned into a makeout session that Reiner never wanted to end. Bertholdt fell back so Reiner was laying on top of him on the couch. 

The two of them ran their hands through one another’s hair, and along their bodies, until finally Reiner sat up and the two of them were sitting next to each other again. Reiner reached over and ran a hand along Bertholdt’s crotch, him giving the bulge a tiny squeeze. Bertholdt closed his eyes at that, then reached over and rested his hand on Reiner’s crotch. 

As though they each knew what the other was thinking, both of them pulled down their pants and exposed themselves. Bertholdt swallowed at the sight of Reiner’s dick… it was bigger than he expected, truth be told. He took the erection in his hand and began stroking, Reiner letting out a moan and bucking his hips in response. 

Reiner made sure to return the favor, reaching over and grasping at Bertholdt’s erection. The two of them started kissing one another while they stroked the other’s dick. The kiss quickly became messy, and saliva smeared around their mouths while desperate moans filled the still air. Both of them stroked slowly, unsure of how the other liked to masturbate. 

For a moment Reiner thought about their bare asses on his mom’s couch, but that thought quickly disappeared whenever Bertholdt moved to lick his neck. Fuck the couch, it didn’t matter anyways. It wasn’t a particularly nice one. “Bertl, let go for me…” Bertholdt quickly did as asked, watching Reiner through lust-filled eyes when he dropped to his knees on the floor. Reiner grasped Bertholdt’s dick again and leaned forward, licking it. Bertholdt let out a tiny whimper that devolved into a primal moan when Reiner took the head into his mouth. 

“Oh, god, Reiner!” Bertholdt put his hands in Reiner’s hair while the other bobbed his head up and down slowly. Reiner wasn’t completely sure of what he was doing… but he knew what he wouldn’t like, and that was teeth. With that in mind he experimented with the licks and sucks, but found all feedback he was getting was positive. 

As long as Bertholdt liked getting his dick sucked, did it really matter? Probably not. With that in mind, Reiner reached down and started stroking himself while he sucked Bertholdt off. Bertholdt reacted to Reiner moaning around his dick, the vibrations adding another sensation around him. 

“God, yes, Reiner… that’s right…” Bertholdt couldn’t help but push Reiner’s head up and down, though a couple of times Reiner had to pop up and get some air before going back down on him. Bertholdt started thrusting his hips, but not enough to cause any problems for Reiner. “Ah, Reiner, I’m going to come!” 

Reiner hummed and sank the dick further into his mouth, watching Bertholdt carefully while he did so. Bertholdt covered his mouth despite nobody being around to hear him, and finally he came with a loud moan that he found himself embarrassed of. Reiner seemed surprised, but swallowed nonetheless. Bertholdt found himself panting into the air while he recovered, but he saw Reiner was still sitting on the floor. 

Before he even had a chance to offer to help Reiner out, Reiner grabbed some tissues from the tissue box on the table and came into those. Reiner looked up at him with lazy eyes, and Bertholdt couldn’t help but admire how sexy Reiner looked post-orgasm. Slight sheen of sweat, flushed face, a lazy smile on his face… 

Their pants quickly made their way, both the teenagers decent again. Reiner felt more comfortable as soon as he was no longer exposed. Even if Bertholdt weren’t here, god forbid his mom and sister come home to find him with his dick out on the couch. 

His mom would ground him so fast his head would spin. Not for masturbating, most likely. But bare ass on her couch… dear lord, his mom would have a conniption. And _Bertholdt’s_ ass on the couch? Reiner honestly couldn’t be sure how his mother would react. 

Reiner snapped his eyes open when Bertholdt leaned back into the couch and sighed. He just swallowed Bertholdt’s cum and dear god it was fantastic… even if maybe Bertholdt could stand to eat a little more fruit… 

Wait. He was already thinking about sucking Bertholdt dry again. He wanted to so bad, then maybe they’d snuggle in bed and talk about their days. 

They weren’t working towards a relationship. Bertholdt had told him that he wasn’t in love with Annie, but someday he’d get with someone perfect for him. And Reiner would have to say goodbye to whatever the hell _this_ was. 

No need to get too attached now. Bertholdt wasn’t his. Bertholdt wasn’t supposed to be his anyways. That’s what the church kept telling him. 

Reiner swallowed and so badly wanted to hold Bertholdt’s hand by his side. Instead, he grabbed the television remote and turned on something he knew Bertholdt would like. Bertholdt smiled and Reiner felt the affection he’d tried to ignore starting to resurface again. 

All he wanted was for someone to hold him and tell him everything was going to be okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter made me realize I'm not going to try and guesstimate the number of chapters this fic might have. They're shorter that the chapters of my other fics, but that doesn't matter. 
> 
> Thanks for all the comments on last chapter! I appreciate them all, even if I don't usually respond. I just never know what to say ^^;  
> Until next time!!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst this chapter, there will be more smut next chapter

"Go! Go! Goooo!!" Bertholdt winced slightly at the sound of Porco shouting next to him, but he couldn't really judge. He just wasn't one to shout himself. It was a close game, and Marcel and Reiner were doing their best to secure victory for their school. It saddened Bertholdt just a little bit that Reiner couldn't sit next to him and eat popcorn and gulp down too many sodas, but it was okay. 

Besides, he knew Reiner felt the same in the spring when basketball season rolled around. Then Marcel and Reiner would be in their band uniforms and he and Porco would be the ones being cheered for. Porco put an arm around Pieck's shoulder and mindlessly sipped at his drink. He always got more excited when his brother had the ball, but now Connie had it. Bertholdt winced whenever Connie was knocked over and the other team got it. 

"Come on, man! Why'd they pass the ball to Connie?" Porco groaned, then ran his hand down his face. Bertholdt chuckled and kept his eyes on Reiner. There was minor debate among some of the students about who the hottest person on the football team was, but there was no doubt about who the star player was. Bertholdt felt excitement when Reiner got the ball, then started to make his way to score the play needed to win the game. 

Maybe it was silly, getting goosebumps. He never watched professional sports on TV, never watched anything really. But when their team played he felt electrified. Reiner was so good! They were so close! 

The crowd erupted into cheers whenever Reiner got the touchdown. Bertholdt got up to clap and cheer, but quickly recoiled and sat back down whenever Porco blew a loud note from his trumpet. "Ow!" 

"Eh? Sorry." Porco wasn't really sorry, Bertholdt knew that for sure. The crowd was still cheering wildly in excitement. Reiner must feel like the king of the world down there right now, having so many people cheering for him. Bertholdt would be lying if he said he didn't feel amazing whenever people cheered for him when he played basketball. The game may as well be won now, and everyone knew it. 

Bertholdt relaxed and ate some of his popcorn, then glanced down at his cellphone. After the game they would all be headed home, but Reiner had wanted to meet up with Bertholdt after the game. 

It wasn't too long after that everything was over. It was a home game, so most everyone made their way to their cars. Pieck had asked if he wanted to go home, but Bertholdt waved her off and assured her he'd get a ride home with Reiner. She'd shrugged and gotten into their shared car, then left. He felt stalker-ish just hanging around the locker room, but nobody paid him any mind. He and Reiner were always hanging around one another, so nobody thought it odd that he was waiting for his friend. 

Reiner came out soon enough; his hair was wet from the quick shower he'd taken. He was never one for smelling like sweat, and he took a shower after every practice and every game. The thought of not cleaning himself up was abhorrent. As soon as he saw Bertholdt, Reiner gave him a wide smile and put his arm around his friend's shoulder. 

"You were amazing out there tonight, Reiner." Bertholdt said, but Reiner only laughed and shook his head. 

"I couldn't do it without my teammates. If Marcel hadn't kept me from getting tackled I never would've made that touchdown. I'm sure tomorrow in band class Porco's gonna point that out." Reiner didn't seem bothered at his own statement. He and Porco had an antagonistic friendship at times, but they were still obviously friends. Bertholdt hummed and let Reiner keep an arm around him while they walked down the hallway towards the exit. After a moment though, Reiner stopped and glanced at Bertholdt. "Hey? Bertl?" 

"Hmm?" Reiner pulled away and looked at Bertholdt with a look he couldn't quite identify. Not quite serious, but not like he was fooling around either. "Everything okay, Reiner?" 

"Huh? Yeah, I'm fine. I was wondering, do you want to go outside and sit underneath the bleachers? Marcel got Zeke to buy him some beer, and we've hidden a few cans in the watercoolers." Bertholdt's eyes rose in surprise. Wouldn't whoever was in charge of the team's water and getting them their sports drinks have noticed by now and said something about it? 

...Wait. That person was usually Connie and sometimes Eren, wasn't it? Neither of them were going to do a damn thing about it. 

"...Yeah. That sounds like it would be nice." Bertholdt followed Reiner to the locker room, where the watercooler sat innocently enough. There were no cameras in here; the guys got naked, after all. Too much hassle for the school to justify. Reiner produced a few cans of beer and handed three to Bertholdt. He took his own and made his way out with Bertholdt after putting the watercooler back to avoid suspicion. "Zeke got you guys some good stuff, didn't he?" 

"Marcel told him to get the good stuff and handed him a big wad of bills." The two of them got comfortable underneath the bleachers outside and opened their beers, both of them taking a drink. Neither of them recoiled at the taste; they'd both drank beer at parties thrown by the Galliards. When they went out by the lake and they all sat around the fire, they drank. At this point, beer was just beer. "I don't know that it was worth how much it cost, though. He could've gotten way more for the price if he'd gotten the cheaper stuff." 

"I mean yeah. But this is still good." Bertholdt stretched out his legs and relaxed. The weather was nice; he loved fall sweater weather. The sun was down now, and the stars twinkled overhead while they sat. "I already told Pieck I'd be getting a ride home with you, so they know I'll be home later." 

"Oh! Shit! Let me text mom." Reiner got out his phone and sent a text, then put it back. "Look at you, Bertl. You've saved my ass again. What would I do without you?" Reiner laughed and lightly punched Bertholdt's shoulder. Bertholdt laughed alongside him and took another drink from his beer. The taste was definitely nice... but he did agree with Reiner. He'd have just gotten more of the cheap stuff. Maybe when they got old they'd turn into beer snobs? 

"I guess you'd be getting a new asshole ripped by your mom." Reiner laughed and leaned back onto the ground, him crossing his arms behind his head. It was a nice night. They'd won the game, the weather was perfect, the stars were beautiful, Bertholdt was laughing and drinking by his side. He really couldn't ask for more right now. 

Well, maybe he could. He definitely wanted a kiss right now. But Bertholdt didn't love him like that. Reiner pushed the thought out of his head and quickly gulped down the last bit of his beer. He put the empty can aside and opened his next one. Bertholdt finished his own can and followed Reiner's lead. 

"Bertl." His voice must have come across very serious, because Bertholdt turned his head quickly and gave him his full attention. "Can we talk?" Bertholdt started to turn so he was sitting cross-legged on the ground next to Reiner. Reiner sat up and nursed his beer, then took a deep breath and sighed. "It's about me and Annie. I know you're curious and it's probably been bothering you." 

"O-oh... it's okay, Reiner. I don't want you to talk about anything that would make you uncomfortable." Bertholdt took notice of Reiner's heavy sigh, and he felt a pang of guilt. He'd definitely been curious. But Reiner acted funny about it, and he was _not_ going to talk to Annie about something like that. She'd knock him over and probably stuff him down inside his own tuba! And _that_ was a scary thought! 

"No, it's okay. You're my friend and all." Reiner went from watching the twinkling stars and admiring the sky to staring at the grass he was sitting on. He took another sip of his beer. "Do you remember during the summer, Marcel and Porco threw that party by the lake and we had that bonfire?" 

"The one back in July?" Reiner nodded and Bertholdt thought back to the night. It'd been a lot of fun. They'd all been bullshitting. It was the last summer that Marcel and Reiner were going to have where they'd all be going to school together the next school year. It'd been so much fun, and they'd roasted hotdogs and smores over the fire. "Yeah, I remember. What about it?" 

"You and Pieck left to go home because you had to go out with your dad the next day. After you guys left, Porco and Marcel left but Annie and I stayed. We needed more time to sober up because we drank more than everyone else." As though to punctuate the sentence, Reiner closed his eyes and took a drink from his beer. He covered his mouth and burped into it. "So it was me and her. We sat and just... talked." 

"You talked? What about?" Reiner shrugged while Bertholdt finished off his beer. He didn't feel like drinking the last can of beer he had, so he tucked it into his messenger bag. Reiner handed over his last beer and Bertholdt put it in as well. 

"Ah. You know. Life. You know, she doesn't have the best home life. She doesn't talk much about it, but she talked to me about it and I talked about some issues I've been having. She's had some personal problems and she confided to me. I promised her it'd stay between us so I can't tell you about what she told me. We just talked... and talked... and then we had sex." 

"Mmm. And you said you regret it?" Reiner shook his head and ran his hand through his hair. He met Bertholdt's eyes and gave him a serious look. Bertholdt found himself almost intimidated by his friend. 

"I don't regret the time I spent with her. I love her as a friend. I really do. We connected that night over some things we shared." He finished off his second can of beer and tossed it to the side. "I've just been worried." 

"About what? It's way past her being able to be pregnant or anything like that." Reiner seemed to react strongly to that, him immediately turning and shaking his hands and head. Bertholdt found himself surprised how quickly Reiner reacted to his statement. 

"No! No. I wasn't worried about that!" Reiner composed himself and had a mental image of knocking Annie up. God, no... that'd be a mess and a half. "We aren't stupid, we used a condom every time. I usually pulled out too, so..." 

"If she isn't pregnant and your relationship is fine, what are you worried about?" Reiner was still. Bertholdt wouldn't understand. Would he? 

"I just... I'm worried. I don't want to talk about why." He wouldn't understand. He wouldn't. Reiner chewed on his lower lip. He so badly wanted to feel Bertholdt's arms around him. He wanted to nuzzle into those broad shoulders and feel the comfort of knowing that he was loved no matter what. "I don't want everyone to hate me." 

"Why would everyone hate you? That doesn't make sense." Bertholdt's words weren't spoken with malice. But Reiner found himself feeling frustrated. Bertholdt just _wouldn't_ understand. He wanted to spill his heart out, tell Bertholdt about how he'd been feeling regarding his relationship with God, his faith, his doubts about himself... but Bertholdt comfortably came out and felt none of those awful feelings tying him down. 

"Uh... you know. You know how I worry sometimes, heh..." Reiner laughed awkwardly. Bertholdt laughed awkwardly beside him, and Reiner leaned into his body. It hurt that he felt like he couldn't talk to Bertholdt about his feelings. They'd always shared _everything_ with one another and now he felt afraid to open up. Just like he felt with his mother, and his other friends. Only Annie knew about his feelings, in the end. 

The two of them left the bleachers behind. They got into Reiner's truck, then returned home. 

Bertholdt put his arms behind his head and slept soundly. He was glad Reiner was opening up to him more, even if he felt sad that Reiner wasn't _his_. 

Reiner tossed and turned. He just wished he didn't feel so isolated from his friends and family. 

  


"Reiner, you've barely touched your breakfast." Reiner glanced up at his mother and then back down to his food. They always got up early on Sunday mornings, so they could all eat a nice breakfast before going to church. Gabi had an absolute wreck of bedhead, and a grumpy face to match. Reiner's own hair wasn't exactly neat, but it was short enough to not be a bird's nest like his sister's. 

"Mm? Oh, I didn't notice." He wasn't particularly hungry, and didn't feel like eating. But now that his mother was watching, Reiner made himself eat the food in spite of not really wanting it. His mother gave him a quizzical look, but turned back around and went back to washing the dishes she cooked with. Gabi wasn't saying anything; she was too tired to do anything except grumble. 

Gabi liked church, just not on Sunday mornings. She just wanted to sleep in and play when she woke up! Wednesday night after school was way better. And Pastor Nick wasn't making her feel bad. At least her mommy made good food on Sunday morning. 

"After church today, I need to go grocery shopping. You don't have to come with me if you don't want to." Karina finished up the dishes and looked back behind her. A smile crept onto her face while she watched her children eat. They were perfect, and she was so proud of them both. 

"I just want to stay home today. I don't feel like going out." Reiner picked at his food and finished it up. He wasn't in the mood for seconds, so he got up and put the plate by the sink. Karina mindlessly took it and didn't look at her son before she spoke. 

"Oh? Just want to stay home today?" Reiner shrugged his shoulders and went back to the table to drink his milk. "Are you inviting any of your friends over today? Is Bertholdt coming over again? I need to know because he eats so much and if he is I'll need to buy extra meat for dinner." 

"No, I just want to stay home by myself tonight." Karina frowned to herself but didn't question it. It was odd that Reiner wanted to not see any of his friends, but maybe it was just some teenage angst. "Can you buy me some extra snacks tonight, mom?" 

"Oh course, darling." Karina turned to the side and kissed Reiner's cheek. He didn't resist, and Karina smiled affectionately at her boy. She was so proud of him. 

The family made their way to church, the three of them making their way into the pews. There were more people than usual, so Reiner put Gabi into his lap while they read in the bible and listened to Pastor Nick. Gays weren't the target of his vitriol today; instead he was focusing on those rejecting purity and not valuing monogamy and the importance of abstaining from sex before marriage. Reiner glanced to his side, but saw his mother wasn't reacting to the sermon in spite of the pastor's words against her. 

Was he weak? Maybe. He tried very hard to be strong. Clearly he wasn't succeeding. Was he going to hell? Probably. He was having lots of sexual thoughts about Bertholdt as of late, and being gay was a sin. He'd had sex and wasn't married, and that was a sin. Reiner closed his eyes and rested his chin on Gabi's shoulder. Gabi hummed and kicked her legs back and forth. She loved him, and it warmed his heart. 

Deep down inside, Reiner couldn't help but wonder if she would love him even when he was an abomination. Was his mom an abomination? Was Bertholdt an abomination? He didn't think so. 

He was just weak. 

Once they got home from church, Gabi tore off her church dress as she always did and ran outside in her shorts to go play with Zofia. Their mother got changed from her Sunday best, then went to the grocery store to get food for the family. Reiner made his way to his bedroom and curled up into his bed. He grabbed his cellphone from his nightstand - he wasn't allowed to take it to church - and checked it. 

_Hey! Wanna go see a movie tonight? There's a new horror movie playing!_ Marcel said. 

_Marcel texted me and asked if I wanted to go to the movies. Do you want to go with me?_ Bertholdt has asked him. 

_Dude! Did you hear about what the coach said?_ Connie had sent him. 

_There's a new special at work on double cheeseburgers. Come over and see me, I get sooooo bored out here!_ Sasha implored. 

Reiner tossed his cellphone back onto the nightstand without responding to any of the messages. He just didn't have it in him to reply to any of it. The amount of energy he'd had lately just seemed to be going down. His phone vibrated a few more times with messages from Bertholdt and Marcel, but he didn't respond. 

When his phone started vibrating because Bertholdt was calling him, Reiner silenced it and stayed in bed. He pulled his blanket over his head and ignored the vibrations until they finally stopped. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Reiner :(


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to write some smut this chapter, but I wanted to do something else first.

"You've been in an awfully good mood lately, Bertholdt. Something special happen?" Bertholdt glanced up from his dinner and noticed that his father, sister and brother's eyes on him. He couldn't help but feel embarrassed and flushed, then shook his head. His father cocked his head. "Really? Nothing?" 

"N-no, not really... everything is pretty much the same as usual." Pieck went back to eating her food, but Udo kept looking at Bertholdt. "What're you staring at me for, Udo?" Bertholdt asked. Udo looked back at his food and twirled some spaghetti around his fork. 

"I dunno." Bertholdt rolled his eyes. Pieck snickered but didn't say anything. Whenever Bertholdt was getting attention from their father and brother, at least that meant they weren't paying attention to her. She hated when her family wouldn't lay off asking about her and Porco, after all. Was she going to let her baby twin brother take all the attention? Absolutely! She wasn't going to draw attention onto herself, after all. Bertholdt knew that, too, and shot her a nasty look. Pieck stuck her tongue out but said nothing. 

"I saw the painting in your room, you're every bit the artist your mother was. I'm so proud of you, you know." Bertholdt smiled at his father's words and fidgeted with his spaghetti. "Your paints have been really bright and warm lately, too. That's why I was wondering if something good was going on." 

"I just wanted to paint the changing leaves, they've been so pretty and I've felt inspired." Bertholdt thought about the paintings in his room. Right now he was working on an oil painting, but he was waiting for the oil to dry before he worked on the next layer. He wanted to paint some cherry blossoms, but he had too many yellows and oranges and wanted to use some of those first. 

After dinner, Bertholdt stopped by the small art studio he had in the garage and checked his painting. Still drying. Bleh. He'd painted last night, so it'd be silly to expect it to be done now. But Reiner was busy tonight at church, so he wasn't able to hang out or chat with him. He always respected Reiner's dedication to his faith, and Reiner certainly wasn't one of those Christians that didn't practice what they preached. Reiner was apparently working on volunteering for the soup kitchen again on Sunday after church. 

What a compassionate person. Bertholdt couldn't help but feel like a terrible person next to his friend. Reiner was so smart, and multitalented. Bari sax player, star of the football team, really smart, and a kind soul? Plus he was hot as _fuck_ to boot! Why was Reiner so perfect in every way? Bertholdt wanted to put his arms around Reiner and keep him all for himself. He was willing to make a career out of being Reiner's arm candy. 

Reiner had been spending a lot of time lately with Christa, anyways. Sometimes he smiled at her with his cheeks dusted an adorable pink, and it made Bertholdt's heart hurt. Maybe he was selfish. He should count his blessings he gets what he gets from Reiner anyways. 

They'd settled into some sort of bizarre friends-with-benefits situation. Reiner always seemed more eager to give than to receive, but Bertholdt never minded that, especially not when it meant Reiner was sucking him off in his pickup truck. Or when they jerked one another off on the couch while Karina took Gabi to her dance lessons. It always felt amazing, and Bertholdt felt drunk on the feelings of affection within him every time Reiner took care of him. 

The soft pecks of Reiner's lips were the best part. The cherry lip balm Reiner used was just the icing on the cake. A constant every time they made out. But the chaste kisses felt so much more tender and intimate; sometimes Bertholdt liked to think that Reiner was going to stroke his cheek and profess his love. Then they'd make passionate love and have comforting pillow talk. Or maybe they'd just bask in the pleasant afterglow. 

That never actually happened. 

Actual intercourse hadn't happened. Mostly, it was blowjobs. They'd gotten playful with it at times. One time Bertholdt promised to give Reiner a blowjob if he won the football game that night; a few hours later he had a mouthful of cock under the bleachers when the football field was deserted. At some point, after a lot of stuttering and blushing, Bertholdt managed to convince Reiner to finger him. Reiner seemed flustered and almost... reluctant? But once he started he seemed to really enjoy it. 

Dear god _that_ had been fantastic. Bertholdt almost came on the spot. When Reiner put in the second finger he did come quickly. 

So badly he wanted to have sex with Reiner. He knew he wouldn't get exactly what he wanted, though. Because Reiner wasn't going to shower him and tender kisses while they talked about their future together. No, Reiner wouldn't roll over and just fall asleep. That wasn't in his nature, Reiner wasn't an asshole who would ignore him like that. But still, Reiner probably wouldn't profess a love he'd been secretly carrying, followed by a kiss that would take Bertholdt's breath away. They'd probably just get dressed and bullshit around with each other. 

He still didn't have any text messages when he went back to his room. Reiner was probably still at church. Sometimes it ran late, and sometimes Reiner would be tired afterward. Hell, knowing Gabi she might be keeping Reiner busy once they got home. Oh well. He'd see Reiner at school tomorrow. 

Bertholdt yawned and closed his eyes. His phone didn't vibrate, but Bertholdt didn't notice. Unknown to him, Reiner was dealing with a screaming sister arguing with their mom anyways. Bertholdt slept soundly while Reiner ran his hand down his face and wondered why his sister was such a brat. 

  


Reiner fidgeted with his fingers and felt anxiety in his belly. He should be over the moon in excitement. And in truth, he was beyond excited. 

He and Marcel had both been offered scholarships to Marley University if they would play football there. And they'd both eagerly accepted, as one would expect. Marcel had pulled him into a hug and started rambling about how they were going to college together, how much fun they were going to have, they were going to be able to further their education... 

It was true that Marley University was a long way away. Several hours by car. But they would have each other and they wouldn't be alone in a strange new city. They could room together, and they could come back to Liberio together to save trips to and fro. There was a great sense of comfort in knowing he wouldn't be alone. 

But he was also afraid. He'd be so far away from his friends. Bertholdt. Gabi. His mom. And that terrified him. Would the people he called friends forget him? Just let him fade into obscurity? Bertholdt would probably move on to someone new. Fall in love. Send him an invite to their wedding a few years later. 

In the immediate moment, Reiner noticed that Annie wasn't talking to him anymore. Not that she was his best friend, but they were close. They didn't hang out with one another alone much at all, but they'd known one another since they were children. Confided their deepest emotions and feelings to one another. Had sex to feel at least some intimacy. And now she wasn't even looking at him? 

"Marcel?" Reiner asked, his friend turning to him. "Has Annie been acting funny the past few days?" Marcel crossed his arms and shook his head, then sighed. 

"Yeah, she has. She's not been wanting to hang out with me much the past few days. Since we accepted our scholarships. I don't know why." Reiner felt somewhat relieved to know that at least he wasn't the only one feeling put off recently. "I wish I knew. I wanted to ask her out on a date soon..." Marcel laughed to himself and scratched behind his head. "I've been dragging my feet but I've really wanted to..." 

"Hmm. At least I know it isn't just me. Maybe I'll try to talk to her after school. You and Porco are going out with your parents, right?" Marcel nodded and put his notebook in his book bag. It was almost time for their class to be over. When they were in band earlier, Annie wouldn't look at him. It'd been that way for a few days. He'd been talking to Bertholdt same as usual, so it probably wasn't him? Pieck, Porco, Sasha, Connie, Marcel, and all his other friends were all acting the same. 

It wasn't him, right? 

With that in mind, Reiner made it his mission to get to the bottom of why Annie was being so cold to him. Unfortunately, that was easier said than done. As soon as the school day was over, she seemed to disappear. And that wouldn't do. He didn't want to feel like a creep, but he just wanted his friend back. Bertholdt was going out to his little brother's soccer game, so Reiner was free. 

After he went home, Reiner made sure to grab some dinner and put it in tupperware, then grabbed a soda and put it in a bag. He told his mom he was going to go out to see his friend, which wasn't a lie at all. It took him a minute to find his way to Annie's house; he'd only been there a couple of times in the whole time he'd known her. The last time was a few months ago when they'd gotten intimate at her house while her dad was at work. 

It was getting later into the year, and night fell early. It wasn't even six yet, and it was dark outside. Reiner tucked his letter jacket into his truck just in case it got too cold. He made his way to Annie's house, and nervously got out of his truck. He walked to the front door of her home and knocked, then waited. 

"Hello?" Mr. Leonhardt answered the door and looked up at Reiner. He didn't seem to react at all to his presence. Reiner glanced at the cane he walked with. Years ago, he was a very harsh trainer and forced Annie to train under him. She was the best fighter Reiner had ever seen, at the cost of a pleasant and relaxed childhood. He got into an accident years ago and would never be able to walk straight again. 

Strangely, Annie didn't seem upset at all when it happened. 

"Hello Mr. Leonhardt. Is Annie home?" Her father stared at Reiner intensely, then turned around and started to walk away slowly. Reiner was somewhat put off by the rudeness, but nevertheless Annie came to the door after her father called out for her. "Annie." 

"Reiner? What are you doing here?" Annie seemed frustrated, but Reiner crossed his arms and raised his brows. 

"You can come with me for a little while, or you can stay here with your dad. I brought you dinner." Reiner wasn't going to force Annie to do anything. But deep down, he knew she had a complicated relationship with her father and would probably want to leave. Annie looked at the ground for a moment, then looked at Reiner. 

"Give me a minute to let my dad know. Wait for me." Reiner nodded and went back to his truck, then waited for Annie. She came out after a minute and got into Reiner's truck, then looked at him when he started to drive. "What do you want, Reiner?" 

"Don't you sound excited to see me? Here. Mom made some dinner. It's just lasagna, I got you a soda too. I put in a doughnut for a little dessert." Annie accepted the food and started to eat while Reiner drove. He drove them to the lake where they had partied with their friends over the summer. "Why are you ignoring me at school, Annie?" 

Annie seemed to shrink into herself, then glanced over at Reiner with a frown on her face. "What are you talking about?" Reiner got out of his truck and closed the door, then waited for Annie to do the same. He sat down on the grass while she stood next to him. After a moment of awkwardly standing, Annie sighed and gave up before she sat next to Reiner. 

"You haven't been talking to me at school. I thought I was imagining things, but then I talked to Marcel and he said that he noticed you'd been acting different too." Reiner glanced over and saw Annie staring vacantly at the water. It was cold, but he had his letter jacket and she was wrapped up in a warm hoodie. Annie took a sip of her soda, then looked over at Reiner. "Annie." 

"What?" She was being stubborn, and Reiner was getting frustrated. 

"Annie. We've spent a lot of time together here." Reiner leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his knees while he looked out at the lake. "We partied. We've talked. We even had sex out here. You know things about me nobody else knows. And you've told me things, too." The silence was awkward, then Reiner sighed and rested his forehead on his knees. "Why are you pushing me away? Did I do something wrong?" 

"Why does it matter to you, Reiner?" At first he thought she had snapped at him, but when he looked at her he saw hurt in Annie's eyes. "You're going to be going away soon, and so is Marcel." Annie started to turn away, but Reiner reached out and grabbed her before she could. He pulled her against his chest, and she didn't resist at all. "Let me go!" 

"No. I'm not letting you run away from me, Annie. Something is wrong." Despite what he said, she wasn't actually trying to run away. Reiner hugged her close to his chest, and eventually he felt her shoulders fall, followed by the sound of sniffles. "Annie... what's wrong? You know I don't talk. We always used to share our troubles with each other out here." 

"You're leaving. And so is Marcel." Annie was quiet, then gently pulled away. "Everyone leaves. My own real parents didn't want me and left me. And now you and Marcel are leaving me, too... next year when I graduate, Porco and Pieck and Bertholdt... everyone is going to leave me." Annie sniffled and shook her head, then let the tears drip out. 

"Oh, Annie." Reiner held her close and ran a hand through her hair. He wasn't sure if it was entirely appropriate, but he leaned down and delicately pecked her cheek. She didn't react, except to cling to him while she sniffled. "I'm not going to leave you. Marcel isn't either. We're going to be going to school, but you're still going to be our friend. I'm going to miss you too." 

"I don't want to be alone, Reiner." Reiner shook his head and let go of her. She was looking at him seriously, and he wished Marley University wasn't so far away. 

"I'm scared, Annie. I'm going to miss you. I'm going to miss everyone. But I promise, I'm not going to forget you." Reiner hugged her and ran a hand up and down Annie's back. "I could never forget someone like you. You're the only girl who's ever kicked my ass." Annie laughed softly at that and clung to him. The hug was awkward, but it worked. 

"When you and Marcel accepted those scholarships, I know it was selfish. But I wanted to yell at you two and uppercut you both for abandoning me." Reiner laughed softly and met her eyes. 

"Thanks for not doing that. I appreciate it." Annie stared down at the grass in between the two of them and sighed. 

"I'm just afraid. I felt abandoned. I know you care about me. I'm happy you got such a great opportunity..." Annie scooted closer to Reiner and let him hold her. "We spent a lot of time out here. You're right. When had sex. When I told you about what I did to my dad. When you told me about how you feel." Annie closed her eyes and relaxed in Reiner's warm embrace. He enjoyed her soft breaths against his chest, and was glad she was relaxing. 

"I could never abandon you. Marcel couldn't either." Reiner paused for a moment, then decided to let a secret slip. "You know, he's thinking about asking you out soon. The only reason he hasn't is because he's afraid you're mad at him." Annie blushed into Reiner's chest, then glanced up at him. A warm smile was on his face, then he reached down and brushed her hair from in front of her eyes. "You know you're important to me. I know we don't talk like you do with Pieck or Mina. I know you and I aren't close like I am with Bertholdt and Marcel. But I do care about you. More than you know." 

Reiner leaned down and kissed Annie's cheek again. "Reiner." 

"You know I love you. You and I have known each other for what, eleven years? No matter what, no matter how much you want to beat me up. No matter how mad you get, and no matter how far away I am. I'll be here for you." Annie sighed and turned so she could lean back into him. 

"I know." Annie wasn't one for showing affection freely. She wasn't going to tell Reiner she loved him. Her father was the only person she'd ever said that to, and it had been a long time. Even though he still told her. If he knew she cared about him, he knew. No need to say it. Reiner was too flowery sometimes, she had to admit. 

It'd been a long time since they'd actually been out by the lake. The silence was comfortable. Annie fidgeted with her fingers while she let Reiner hold her. She wanted the doughnut in his truck. "Reiner?" 

"Hmm?" Reiner pulled away, and Annie took the opportunity to move so she could sit next to him. She felt herself shiver at the loss of Reiner's body heat. "What's up, Annie?" 

"Are you ever going to tell him how you feel?" Reiner chewed his lower lip. One night after they'd been intimate, they'd started talking about what had been bothering them. Reiner admitted to having feelings for Bertholdt, and Annie had only hummed. "You know. You're going to be going away to Marley University. You only have so much time left before you have to move away. Less than a year now." 

"I think... I think I love him, Annie." Reiner shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. Annie glanced over at him and raised her brows at the distress on his face. "I love him. I'm just so afraid..." Annie sighed and helped Reiner up, then led him back to his truck. It was getting too cold out as it got later. He turned on the truck, then the heat. 

"Reiner. I don't understand why you're afraid. You know I don't believe in God the same way you do." Annie found Reiner's fear of God interesting. In truth, she wasn't particularly religious. Agnostic, really. She wasn't sure God was real, but she couldn't say he wasn't either. Or she. The idea of a white, old-man God rubbed her the wrong way. 

"I know. But it's what I believe. I just... I love him. I think about him all the time. I want to be with him forever." Reiner sighed and rested his arms on his steering wheel while Annie ate her doughnut. He thought out loud to himself. "I think... sometimes I think that I would risk burning forever just to have him tell me he loves me." 

"You never know how he might feel, Reiner. I think you should just, you know... talk to him." Reiner checked his phone, then turned on his truck and pulled out. He needed to get home soon, and he needed to get Annie home. "Bertholdt has been your best friend for as long as I can remember. You know he's into guys, too." 

Reiner swallowed. He'd gotten sucked off by Bertholdt enough to know that was the truth. 

"What if he doesn't love me, Annie?" Reiner breathed in deeply, then tried to relax. 

"But what if he does, Reiner?" Reiner parked his truck in front of Annie's house and let her out. Before she left, she turned around and looked seriously at Reiner. "You need to figure yourself out, Reiner. You know what you want. You need to go for it." 

After she left, Reiner sighed. It was so much easier for her to say. He idly looked at the small cross he kept on his rear-view mirror. He wanted comfort. 

He wanted Bertholdt. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reiner is in love...  
> (Reiner kissing Annie was meant to be entirely platonic, they just have a funny relationship is all)  
> I'll try and update this as soon as I can!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is like 80-90% sex, I'll get more of their feelings n such next time ^^

He was jealous sometimes, even though he knew he had no right to be. Bertholdt wasn't Reiner's boyfriend. Best friend? Absolutely. Boyfriend? No. Bertholdt wanted it so bad. Wanted to hold hands with Reiner. Wanted to snuggle him. Wanted to make love and feel close to Reiner in a way nobody else would. 

It wouldn't even be that much different from Annie, though. Reiner had directly stated that he felt no romantic love towards their friend, and that the sex had been nice but they weren't connected in an intimate, loving way. From the way Reiner made it sound, they both just wanted to do it and they were both single. Made sense, he supposed. 

Would it even mean anything to Reiner? Bertholdt wasn't sure. At the very least, Annie had to mean something because she was Reiner's first. Sure, he didn't talk about it wistfully or like it was particularly special to him. But still, she was his first! And if Bertholdt got what he wanted and had sex with Reiner, he wouldn't be the first. So, really? Would it mean anything to Reiner? 

He should stop thinking, because right now Bertholdt didn't need to be thinking at all. They were all alone at Reiner's house, and he was comfortably leaning against the headboard on Reiner's bed while Reiner was slowly bobbing his head. Reiner was doing so much more than that, really. 

His fingers were covered in lube that Bertholdt bought while wearing his hoodie pulled forward so nobody would recognize him. Bertholdt absolutely loved when Reiner fingered him. It was awkward and burned a little bit the first time, but now it was perfect. He fingered himself sometimes when he jacked off in the shower, but it couldn't compare to Reiner's calloused fingers. And having Reiner suck him off while fingering him? Nirvana. Bertholdt's mouth hung open while he moaned softly. 

As soon as Gabi and Karina left for Gabi's dance practice, Bertholdt had pulled Reiner into a rough kiss without giving him a chance to think. Not that it mattered, because Reiner immediately responded by returning the kiss and wrapping his arms around Bertholdt's body. They made out the entire way to Reiner's bedroom, where Bertholdt quickly found himself being jerked off by Reiner. 

"Harder, Reiner..." Which led to now. Bertholdt gasped when Reiner did as asked and thrust his fingers harder inside of him. Bertholdt thrust his hips into Reiner's waiting mouth and enjoyed the way Reiner's tongue rubbed along his shaft. Reiner moaned whenever Bertholdt bucked his hips up, then looked up at Bertholdt with lustful eyes. Bertholdt swallowed and ran a hand through Reiner's hair. "A-ah... Reiner, yes..." 

Reiner popped off and scooted so he was straddling Bertholdt's lap, and it was the hottest thing Bertholdt had ever seen. Reiner sat on his knees so that their cocks brushed together, then he grabbed them both and started stroking. "Good, Bertl? You like that?" Bertholdt nodded wordlessly and watched while Reiner's hand stroked them both. Reiner's dick felt so warm against him, along with the large hand. No matter how good it was when he jerked himself off, it was never as good as when Reiner did it. 

Bertholdt chewed his bottom lip when he knew he was about to come. It was almost too much, because the sight of their dicks rubbing together was so erotic that he wasn't sure he'd ever get off watching porn online again. What could compare to watching Reiner jerking him off, anyways? "R-Reiner... I'm going to come..." Reiner gave him a cocky smirk and squeezed his hand tighter while stroking. Bertholdt whined loudly; why hold back? Karina and Gabi were both gone anyways. "Reiner! Reiner! God!" 

Bertholdt bucked his hips when he came, the cum coating Reiner's hand. Reiner grunted and followed shortly after, and Bertholdt was in awe of how handsome Reiner looked with his hands covered in their cum. Reiner seemed to find it less pleasing, him making a grimacing face at his hands before getting up. "I'm going to go wash up, I don't want to make a mess..." Bertholdt watched Reiner turn away and head to his small bathroom, and he admired Reiner's perfect ass. 

A bubble butt. Perfect. Bertholdt wanted Reiner to sit on his face but they weren't at that level yet. Actually, he wanted Reiner to do a lot of things to him. Maybe it was the lazy, content fog in his mind, but when Reiner came back Bertholdt looked at his best friend through half-lidded eyes and blushed. "Reiner?" 

"Hmm?" Reiner absentmindedly grabbed his boxers and slid them back on. He'd kept his white tank-top on while fooling around with Bertholdt, but he seemed to want to put his pants back on as soon as he could. "What's up?" 

"Ah, well, I, uh..." Any confidence Bertholdt had in his post-coital bliss seemed to evaporate as soon as he worked up the nerve to approach the subject. Reiner raised his brows and watched Bertholdt in confusion while he stuttered. "I was thinking..." 

"About what?" Reiner bent over and picked up Bertholdt's briefs, then handed them over. Bertholdt looked at his underwear, then put them on and sat up on the bed. They reached a point where they weren't at all shy about seeing one another's dicks, but he couldn't shake his shyness. "You okay, Bertl? Need me to get you some water or anything?" 

"N-no, but thanks..." Bertholdt fidgeted with his fingers, then met Reiner's eyes. "I was wondering if we could have sex?" As soon as the words were out, Bertholdt wanted to grab the pillow on Reiner's bed and bury his face into it. But instead, he sheepishly watched Reiner and fidgeted with his fingers. 

"Sex...? You want to have sex... with me?" Reiner's voice sounded confused more than anything, and Bertholdt wished he knew what was going on inside of Reiner's head. He nodded slowly, and Reiner's face turned pink before he scratched his head and looked away. "Uh... well... we can do that. N-not today, we already, uh... you know..." 

Reiner was speaking slowly and Bertholdt knew he was flustered. But he was one part thrilled that Reiner seemed open to the idea and one part terrified for some reason he wasn't sure of. Reiner was fidgeting nervously, but then stuck a hand out to help Bertholdt up. Bertholdt put his clothes back on and followed Reiner to the living room, then sat down next to him. 

It was always the same. They'd fool around and when he came sometimes Reiner would look like he wanted to say something, but he never did. Then the two of them would go back to the living room and sit on the couch and go back to being BFFs. Sometimes Bertholdt got frustrated and wanted to know what Reiner obviously wanted to say, but he never pushed it. 

He said once that Reiner looked like he wanted to say something, but Reiner only denied it and turned away with a blush on his face. Bertholdt wanted to grab Reiner's shoulders and confess his love, but surely Reiner would turn him down. He was going away to Marley University next year. He'd probably get with a nice girl and get married. Have some kids. Think back on his gay experimentation in high school every now and then. 

"Bertholdt..." Bertholdt glanced down at Reiner. He had his arm around Reiner's shoulder, and Reiner was resting his head against him. It was comfortable while they watched TV together. They'd never sat like this before they started fooling around, but Bertholdt didn't mind. Reiner glanced up at him, and Bertholdt felt his heart skip a beat at the vulnerability in Reiner's eyes. He almost felt like Reiner might actually... "I... thank you for being my friend. I love you, man." 

His heart started to break, but Bertholdt smiled and laughed. "I love you too, buddy." 

Of course Reiner would tell him he loved him. 

Bertholdt wanted to cry, but he couldn't. Instead he laughed and bullshitted with his best friend on the sofa, then played with Gabi when she made it back to Reiner's house. 

  


"Oh god, oh god, oh god..." Reiner kept mumbling to himself over and over again while he paced around in his room. He told Bertholdt a few days ago that they could have sex, and now the day was finally here and he was so nervous and excited and afraid it was unbelievable. 

Bertholdt! Asked him! To have sex! Bertholdt wanted him! Wanted to have sex! _With him!_ And Reiner knew it was stupid to say yes, because he was madly in love with Bertholdt and was asking to get his heart broken in the end. But how could he say no? Bertholdt? The cause of his gay crisis, the one he wanted to grow old with, the one who he desperately wanted to marry. That perfect man wanted to sleep with him? 

There was no way Reiner could say no! He was going to regret it in the end, be heartbroken and wonder why he ever let himself be so vulnerable. But dear god he wanted it so bad. Wanted to feel Bertholdt's touch. Wanted to hear Bertholdt crying out in pleasure that _he_ made Bertholdt feel. 

He wanted to snuggle Bertholdt and talk about what their wedding would be like after. What breed of dog they should get and why lab mixes would be the best choice. What sort of name they'd like for their adopted baby one day. Three more names for their dogs. And another for the cat. More than anything, he just wanted his love to be reciprocated and to feel the comforting warmth of Bertholdt's arms. 

Pieck, Udo and Bertholdt's father were all going out tonight to see a new movie, but Bertholdt had insisted he didn't want to see it and he could stay home. There'd been some objection from Udo, but in the end they relented. Tonight Reiner would be going over and he and Bertholdt were going to be doing it. He was more nervous now than when he and Annie lost their virginities by the lake all those months ago. 

Bertholdt said he'd take care of everything and all Reiner had to do was show up. Reiner glanced at his cell phone. Bertholdt had texted him the time of the movie and what time to come over. Marcel sent him a selfie on himself and Annie on their date; Annie seemed happier after their talk a few weeks ago. Pieck sent him a picture of a stick bug she found. Sasha told him her work schedule for the week so he could go hang out with her if he were free. 

As soon as it got to close to time, Reiner gave Gabi a hug and packed his bag for the night; he'd be spending the night with Bertholdt, after all. After they had sex they'd get dressed and then Bertholdt's family would come home and he'd spend the night with his friends. Reiner checked his change of clothes and grabbed his toothbrush and comb. He tossed the bag into his truck and drove to Bertholdt's place, then sighed and ran his hands through his hair as soon as he was parked. 

He was sweating bullets by the time he knocked on the front door to Bertholdt's house. It took only a moment for Bertholdt to come to the door, him giving Reiner a warm smile before welcoming him inside. Reiner did feel the knots in his stomach ease up whenever he went inside, which was nice enough. Bertholdt's house was bigger than his. Big enough for his father and three children to all have their own rooms. There were three backpacks put on the floor by the door, one for each of the kids. 

"There's soda in the fridge if you want to get a can." Idle small talk. Reiner nodded and grabbed himself a can of cola, then sagged into the sofa next to Bertholdt. It was more plush than the one at his home, and Reiner couldn't help but relax when he sunk in. Bertholdt scooted close to him and put his arm around Reiner's shoulders. Reiner felt his heart skip a beat, but then he felt comforted by the warmth of Bertholdt's body. He closed his eyes and let Bertholdt gently sway them back and forth. "You're warm, Reiner. Do you feel comfortable?" 

"Yeah... I always forget how soft your couch is. It's nice." Reiner let Bertholdt hold him close and peck his cheek. He returned the peck with one of his own, getting an adorable hum from Bertholdt in return. Bertholdt pressed a delicate kiss to Reiner's lips, and Reiner's eyes fluttered shut when he did so. Reiner moaned softly and put his hands on Bertholdt's cheeks. "Bertholdt." 

"Reiner." The two pulled apart, and Bertholdt took Reiner's hand into his own. "Uh... let's, uhm. Let's go to my room?" Reiner nodded shakily and followed Bertholdt to his bedroom. It was modestly sized, with basketball trophies and art that he'd painted littered about. Bertholdt's bed was a queen, and it was plenty big enough for them to... fornicate. 

Sex before marriage was a sin. He was already guilty of that. God couldn't judge him any more harshly for bedding Bertholdt than for Annie. But all he really wanted right now was to feel Bertholdt's soft lips on his dick. Feeling guilty about the fact that he was going to hell could wait until later. For now, Reiner felt intoxicated by the rough kisses Bertholdt was pressing to him as soon as the door was kicked closed. 

It was so unbelievably hot watching Bertholdt kick the door closed given how gentle he usually was. They sat on the edge of Bertholdt's large bed, their hands roaming each other's bodies and their tongues rubbing against one another. Reiner moaned and clutched at Bertholdt's shirt, then opened his eyes when he felt Bertholdt tugging his shirt up. "Bertl?" 

"S-Sorry... I guess I'm getting ahead of myself, hehe..." Bertholdt sheepishly scratched his nose and gave Reiner a look that made Reiner feel like his heart was going to melt. Bertholdt wrapped his arms around Reiner's waist while Reiner did the same, and they rested their foreheads against one another. They looked intensely into one another's eyes, and Bertholdt found himself nervous. "Do you... do you still want to do this, Reiner?" 

Reiner nodded his head slowly, then leaned his head forward and delicately kissed Bertholdt's lips. "Yeah... I want to. I do." Reiner closed his eyes and had to catch himself. He wanted to tell Bertholdt he loved him, but he didn't want to say anything that would make Bertholdt back out of having sex. Reiner wanted to believe they were going to be making love, but Bertholdt didn't love him. "C'mere, Bertl. We... we don't have all night, huh?" 

Bertholdt chuckled nervously. Reiner was right; his siblings and dad would be back home after the movie. Not that they were running out of time, but there was no use in waiting. "I guess you're right. Give me a second..." Bertholdt trailed off and scooted over to his nightstand, then opened it and pulled out his lube and a condom. "I stole this from Pieck's stash. She keeps a bunch in her room for when she and Porco go out." 

"Eh? What kind is it?" Bertholdt examined the condom in his hand and read the small print carefully. 

"I think it's just the regular kind? I didn't really check, they were in a purple box." Bertholdt laughed and blushed when Reiner scooted closer. "I... didn't really want to think much about my sister's condom preferences." Reiner hummed and shrugged, then pushed Bertholdt into the bed. He was so nervous... but the anticipation was killing him. He was already hard and they hadn't done anything besides kissing! "Reiner. Let me uh... let me take off my shirt." 

The two of them both tossed their shirts off, both of them admiring the other's bodies. Reiner was more built, but Bertholdt wasn't unfit by any means. His muscles were lean. Reiner kissed Bertholdt's neck, him enjoying the sound of Bertholdt's tiny moan. He started sucking at the skin, but didn't want to leave a hickey. That'd lead to too many questions at school, after all. 

"Reiner, that feels good..." Reiner hummed and licked the skin of Bertholdt's neck, then leaned down and licked a nipple. Bertholdt gasped and reached down to push his pajama pants down; he took off his jeans as soon as he was home from school. Reiner glanced down and swallowed at the sight of Bertholdt's bulge. He grabbed at Bertholdt's erection and stroked it though the fabric, him listening intently to Bertholdt's soft gasps and moans. Music to his ears. 

"I'm going to take these off, okay?" Bertholdt nodded while Reiner pushed down his underwear and tossed them onto the floor. He felt exposed, despite the fact that Reiner had seen him naked plenty of times before. Bertholdt closed his eyes when Reiner leaned in and pressed their lips together, but they squeezed shut when Reiner began stroking him carefully. "Good, Bertl?" Bertholdt nodded, and Reiner chuckled in satisfaction. Reiner kept his head nuzzled against Bertholdt's shoulder and looked at Bertholdt's cock while he stroked it. 

Bertholdt had a big dick, didn't he? The thought of Bertholdt fucking him crossed his mind, and Reiner swallowed. That wasn't what they were doing today. They hadn't talked at all about Reiner bottoming. The implication the entire time was that Bertholdt was bottoming. Hell, he hadn't ever been fingered by Bertholdt at all. It just... didn't come up? Sure, sometimes when he was masturbating in the shower he would use his hair conditioner and finger himself... and it felt really good, too. 

Why bottoming seemed scary to him, Reiner wasn't sure. Bertholdt was so gentle in every aspect of his life (except when he got competitive). Bertholdt would never hurt him and Reiner knew if he bottomed, Bertholdt would care for him. 

Knowing that, the least he could do was be gentle and caring with Bertl. Reiner peppered kisses along Bertholdt's neck and enjoyed the affection he felt when Bertholdt started thrusting his hips into his stroking hand. It was so cute. Reiner hummed and pulled away. "Reiner..." Bertholdt's face was red and his skin was hot. "More." 

"Ah, okay..." Reiner was starting to feel nervous again, but he pushed those feelings down into the pit of his stomach while he reached to the nightstand and grabbed the lube. Bertholdt stuttered that he was so nervous to go out and buy the stuff, apparently he tried to hide in his hoodie. It must've been adorable to see him so flustered in the store. Reiner grinned to himself while he poured the lube on. "Just relax, Bertl." 

Bertholdt bit his lip when Reiner pushed in one finger, then the next. Reiner began rubbing delicately inside of him, and Bertholdt relaxed at the familiarity. Reiner always massaged his fingers in small circles inside of him between delicate thrusts. Reiner took the hand he wasn't using and ran it up Bertholdt's thigh; Reiner found the soft hair on Bertholdt's leg comforting. 

"Ready for another?" Reiner asked softly, getting a nod from Bertholdt. He carefully pushed his third finger inside and gauged Bertholdt's reaction. For a moment, Reiner focused on how tightly Bertholdt was squeezing around his fingers, and how that would feel on his dick. He twitched in his pants and exhaled heavily. He was nervous but god, more than nervous he was just really, really horny. "Are you okay?" 

Bertholdt's brows were furrowed and his breathing had gotten heavier. He nodded and bit his lip while he stared down at Reiner. "Y-yeah... it's just tight and burns a little bit..." Reiner cocked his head and glanced down at where his fingers were inside. Bertholdt felt embarrassed that Reiner was just sort of... staring at his asshole like that. 

"Do you want me to stop?" Bertholdt shook his head, so Reiner kept thrusting carefully. Bertholdt seemed to ease up and sighed, then ran a hand through his already messed-up hair. 

"I... I think I'm ready, Reiner?" Reiner blushed heavily and pulled his fingers out, then scooched up so he was next to Bertholdt. Reiner fidgeted with his fingers, then reached over and grabbed the condom. A tiny part of him briefly wondered what sort of condom it was that Bertholdt stole from his sister before he opened it. He carefully rolled it on, then looked at Bertholdt. 

"Uh... how should I do it? How do you want to do it?" Bertholdt stuttered and looked down at Reiner's erection. Truthfully, he hadn't thought much about that. In his fantasies in the shower, they do it every way imaginable. He hadn't really thought too much about it, except that they'd be doing it in his bed. Well, even though they weren't dating, he was always a bit of a romantic... 

"How about missionary?" Reiner hummed, then moved so he was on top of Bertholdt. He propped himself up on his arms and threaded his fingers through black hair while he kissed Bertholdt. Bertholdt moaned and instinctively spread his legs open. Reiner parted and pulled Bertholdt close, then guided his cock to Bertholdt's hole. Reiner pressed his head against the delicate skin, and Bertholdt breathed in deeply. "Y-yeah, go ahead, Reiner..." 

Reiner did as asked and pushed inside slowly, until he was fully seated. Bertholdt's brows were tightly furrowed and his mouth was hanging open while he got used to the feeling of being penetrated. Reiner closed his eyes and looked where their pelvises came together. "It's... it's in?" Stating the obvious, that's what he was doing. "Bertholdt?" 

"Hng, Reiner..." Reiner reached a hand up and ran his thumb along Bertholdt's cheekbone. Bertholdt was clinging tightly to him, and his fingers were buried into the skin on his back. "I-I'm okay... just go slow for me?" Reiner had a worried look on his face, but obliged and pulled out slowly. He was careful and slow with his thrust, and he felt himself curl his toes because the tight heat just felt good. 

"Okay? Are you okay?" He kept his thrusts slow and careful. Bertholdt brought a hand up to run his fingers through Reiner's hair while his other clutched at Reiner's back. He nodded shakily and clutched tightly. Reiner closed his eyes and buried his nose into Bertholdt's neck. 

"J-just don't do it too hard..." Reiner nodded and was careful with his thrusts. If he hurt Bertholdt, he wasn't sure he'd be able to forgive himself even if Bertholdt did. Reiner thrust delicately and let Bertholdt scratch his back. It was so hot the way Bertholdt was scratching him, and he wanted to be rough and make Bertholdt beg for more like he did in his fantasies. 

This was real life, though, and even though the Bertholdt in his shower fantasies was a pro and could take it, the real Bertl was only having sex for the first time. He had to be careful. Reiner picked up the pace of his thrusts and moved to kiss Bertholdt's temples. Bertholdt laughed breathily and leaned up to peck Reiner's shoulder. Reiner felt butterflies in his stomach, then leaned down to kiss Bertholdt. He pressed his tongue inside of Bertholdt's mouth and moaned whenever their tongues swirled. 

"Mmm, Reiner..." Bertholdt broke the kiss and pushed his forehead against Reiner's. Reiner was doing everything he could to not do it as hard and fast as he wanted. Bertholdt was so warm and tight and perfect and if it weren't for the condom he was sure he would've come by now. Bertholdt started panting Reiner's name, and it was so fucking hot that it was almost too much. "R-Reiner! Reiner!" 

Bertholdt gasped and threw his head back, and Reiner swallowed when Bertholdt came onto his stomach. Reiner closed his eyes and kept thrusting, desperate to orgasm before Bertholdt became uncomfortable having him inside. He grunted when he finally came, and carefully pulled out immediately after. They were both panting heavily whenever Reiner collapsed onto the bed next to Bertholdt. 

Reiner frowned at the condom and pulled it off, him grimacing at his cum pooled in the end. He grabbed a tissue and wrapped it up, then tossed it into the trash bin. Reiner nuzzled close to Bertholdt and listened to his heart pounding in his chest. He looked up at Bertholdt with tired eyes. 

There were so many things he wanted to say. Reiner bit his lip. Bertholdt's eyes were closed while he breathed, but he rested a hand in Reiner's hair. He seemed like he was in thought. 

_"Tell him you love him! Tell him you love him! What better time than after your first time?"_

Reiner breathed deeply and chewed his lip. "Bertholdt?" 

"Hmm?" Bertholdt looked down at him with those beautiful gray eyes, and Reiner found himself speechless. They looked content and happy. He felt his whole body freeze, and he clutched at Bertholdt's skin. 

"Was it good for you?" Reiner mentally facepalmed. Why would he ask something like that?! That wasn't what he wanted to say! Bertholdt looked like he was processing what Reiner said, then laughed softly and pulled Reiner in for a hug. 

"Yes, it was good..." Bertholdt sighed contentedly, but Reiner was unable to see his face. God damn it all! He felt so close, so close to feeling able to tell Bertholdt how he felt. Now he just felt stupid, and he wanted to shrink away. "It was fun... I'd like to do it again if that's okay?" 

"R-right now?" Bertholdt shook his head and Reiner felt relieved. As much as he loved sex, and loved having sex _with Bertholdt,_ he just didn't have the strength. 

Didn't have the strength to have sex again. Didn't have the strength to tell Bertholdt how he really felt. 

Reiner felt pathetic. How Bertholdt didn't see that, he couldn't be sure. 

  


Things went back to normal after they had sex, except now oftentimes when they were alone they would have sex instead of just fooling around. And it was heaven, Bertholdt had to admit. He loved it. Loved the feeling of Reiner on top of him. Underneath him. Inside of him. He loved how warm and close to Reiner he felt every single time. 

Again, he'd pulled his hoodie forward and kept his face hidden when he went to the store to buy condoms. He didn't want anyone recognizing him. He couldn't help it, sometimes he was just shy! 

Sometimes, he wished that after they had sex Reiner would profess some secret love and they'd ride off into the metaphorical sunset together. But that was selfish. Sometimes Reiner would still look like he was blushing when he talked to Christa. And he knew the history he had with Annie. Maybe Reiner just preferred women and knew he could keep him around as an extra option? 

It hurt to think about. It did. But Bertholdt couldn't help but go running back to Reiner's bedroom every time. Hell, they even slept together outside their homes. In the marching band supply closet. In the locker room long after the football game was over. Even in Reiner's truck down by the lake, where they went to talk about him going off to Marley University. 

Bertholdt knew their time together was limited. Surely when Reiner went away, this would all come to an end. And it hurt terribly. But for now, he was going to stay by Reiner's side. 

It felt too good not to. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Sorry for the wait! I’m getting closer to the end of the fic ^^  
> I had a hard time with this chapter. I hope you guys enjoy it!

At times it was difficult to focus on the game. Now that the second half of the school year had started, Reiner and Marcel were done with football while Bertholdt and Porco were starting the basketball season. Bertholdt was very good at basketball and he knew it; he was good anyways, but his long legs and tall height gave him an obvious advantage. It irked some of the seniors that the star player was younger than them, but it didn't matter. Reiner had been so proud of him when he was made a starting player, as was his family. Seeing his dad in the stands cheering for him alongside Udo made his heart swell. Pieck was eying someone else, and Bertholdt could only roll his eyes. 

Just as Reiner and Marcel had a synergy when they played football together, Bertholdt and Porco had the same on the basketball court. Not that this was a difficult or important game; they were destroying the other team. Most of their good players had graduated the year before, and it showed. But still, Bertholdt was of the mindset that he would treat every game like it was an important one. Complacency would get him nowhere. He glanced up into the stands and saw Reiner sitting with Marcel and the school band, and he smiled.

The game was over fairly quickly; it wasn't a nerve-wracking one that made every second feel more important than the last. Come tournament time he would be an anxious wreck before every game, but knowing his family, friends and Reiner would be there for him did help. After they won, Porco opened his arms wide and let Pieck run to him; despite him being sweaty and probably smelling bad, she nuzzled him affectionately and started cooing about how good a job he did. It was sweet, and Bertholdt wanted to vomit. Bleh. 

Reiner, Marcel and Annie were in the stands packing up their instruments; it was a home game, so they would be helping take the band equipment back where it belonged. It was cute watching Reiner carry the bass drum while Annie, with her much smaller frame, carried the snares. Marcel seemed to have his own trumpet case along with Annie's horn. It was sweet, and not in a way that made him want to wretch like his sister and Porco. 

Bertholdt went to take a quick shower in the locker room with the rest of the team before he was ready to meet up with Reiner and his family. Porco may not have an issue with smelling bad after a game, but he was not about to go see Reiner smelling terribly. And Reiner seemed to share that sentiment, because he would never come see him after a football game until after he was cleaned. Reiner probably got that from being raised by an overbearing mother, all things considered. 

"You did great out there, Bertl! You're definitely going to take the team to the championships!" Reiner said happily once Bertholdt went to the band room to meet up with him. He had his bari sax in its case; he must be taking it home to practice over the weekend. He'd definitely been playing a lot as of late, but Bertholdt loved listening to the sweet melodies Reiner brought to life. He was busy tomorrow going out with his family, but maybe after Reiner got home from church on Sunday they could hang out together. 

"Ah, thanks Reiner... I'm not doing anything different than I always do, though. Basketball isn't exactly a hard game to play." Reiner frowned and shook his had, then put his hands on Bertholdt's shoulders. Bertholdt felt his face heat up at the affectionate squeeze, then swallowed. 

"Hush. You're always selling yourself short, Bertl. Let me compliment you. You tell me all the time what a great football player I am but to me it isn't a hard game to play." Reiner reached a hand up and playfully ruffled Bertholdt's hair. "You did great. I'll buy you a milkshake tomorrow to celebrate. I have to go on home because I promised mom I would help Gabi with her math homework. Mom has to do some work at home tonight." 

"You're helping Gabi? Aww, look at you being a caring big brother. How precious." Bertholdt gently teased, him reveling in the sight of Reiner frowning and looking away with a blush on his face. "I can't hang out tomorrow, though. My family is going out to the zoo tomorrow. Udo wants to go see the winter wonderland stuff they have going on. Sunday?" Reiner chuckled and nodded his head. 

"Don't let Udo get eaten by a polar bear, okay? I like the little guy." Reiner grabbed his bari sax and turned to make his leave. "I'll see you Sunday, then. I'll text you later." 

"Sounds good to me. I'll see you, Reiner." Reiner made his leave, and Bertholdt smiled to himself. He thought for a moment, but decided against grabbing his tuba and taking it home. He wasn't going to practice, and there was no use in pretending like he was going to. 

Tomorrow was family time, and the day after was Reiner time. Without a second thought, Bertholdt left his tuba and met up with his father and brother. 

As soon as Pieck turned up, it'd be time to head home. 

  


Trips to the zoo wore Bertholdt out. He wasn't as high energy as Udo and Pieck could be. They'd both crash once they got home, or at least Pieck would. But Bertholdt found himself absentmindedly texting Reiner while sitting on a bench near the polar bear habitats. The bears were eating now, and Udo was enamored with them. He'd had his sister take a picture of him posing with the life-sized standing polar bear replica, and even now Pieck and Udo were watching the bears enthusiastically. 

"Who are you texting that has you looking so focused?" Bertholdt glanced over at his father and smiled at him. His father made such an effort to be involved in all his children's lives despite how busy he was with work. Supporting three children on one paycheck wasn't easy, but he still made time for them. "Is it someone special? Someone I should know about?" Bertholdt's father raised a brow in a teasing way, earning a smile from his son. 

"Uh... you could say that, I guess..." It was Reiner. Despite his coyness when talking to his siblings and his friends, Bertholdt found himself able to open up to his father. And for that, he was glad. His father nodded while he kept his arms crossed. Bertholdt watched his father lean back into the bench and chuckle to himself. "What's so funny, dad?" 

"You look just like me. The way you looked so focused and with your cheeks flushed reminded me of the way I used to look when I thought about your mother." The mental image of his parents being teenagers in love was almost foreign to Bertholdt. He did remember them being happy together when he was a child, so it made sense. "I just feel old. Watching my babies falling in love. Pieck is crazy about her boyfriend and now my boy is getting butterflies for someone too. Where has the time gone?" 

"You're embarrassing me, dad..." Bertholdt said softly, getting a tiny laugh in return from his father. His father shook his head and sighed while he watched his daughter and younger son grow bored of the polar bears. In just a moment they'd be moving on, probably to the penguin exhibits because he'd heard Pieck and Udo talking about them. 

"I just want my son to be happy. How long have you been talking to them?" Bertholdt fidgeted awkwardly. If he said since he was a kid, his father would know right away it was Reiner. He could be coy and avoid identifying them. But... at the same time, there wasn't a person in the world Bertholdt would trust more to talk about his issues with than with his father. A patient, kind man who'd been there his entire life. Bertholdt was always able to go to him, even after the death of his mother. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." 

"No, it's okay... let's just wait until after we look at the penguins. I don't want Udo and Pieck eavsdropping." A laugh from his father, followed by an understanding look. Udo would tease him, and Pieck would too in a more subtle way. As soon as they were all done in the polar bear habitat, the family made their way to some chinstrap penguins. 

"Oooh! They're so cute!" Udo and Pieck admired the penguins long after Bertholdt and his father lost interest. Which took a moment, because it was fun watching them swim in the water. 

"It says here that chinstrap penguins have been observed before pairing off in same-sex couples. They hatch and raise their own young when given an egg? That's pretty cool." Pieck observed the penguins. There didn't seem to be any baby penguins, although most likely they were somewhere else away from the public eye for now. "They wrote a kid's book about it too." 

Gay penguins. For some reason, Bertholdt laughed at the thought. Were there any gay penguins at this zoo? Pieck and Udo might laugh at him, but they all mostly looked the same to him. He could hardly distinguish the penguins from one another anyways, let alone by sex. If there were gay penguins here, Bertholdt wouldn't be able to tell them from any of the others. 

Maybe it was better that way. The penguins didn't react to the gay ones. He couldn't tell if a penguin was gay. Maybe humans could learn a thing or two from the little guys. Bertholdt sat down on a bench after taking a few pictures of the penguins and sending them to Reiner. Reiner was probably practicing his saxophone, because he hadn't responded to anything. His father sat next to him and took a picture of Pieck and Udo bonding with one another. How he loved his children so much. 

"Dad, I'm afraid. That they don't like me." His father glanced at him, and Bertholdt braced himself. But instead his father's eyes softened. A large hand squeezed Bertholdt's thigh comfortingly, then pulled away. Bertholdt sighed and fidgeted with his cell phone. "Actually, I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me, at least not the way that I like him..." 

"What makes you say that, Bertholdt? I've seen you texting all day. I know it's hard worrying that your special someone doesn't like you. Are you going to be okay?" Bertholdt's father cocked his head and tried to think of what to say. "I promise everything will be okay. Even if it hurts now." 

"I just want him to tell me he loves me." Ah. Bertholdt had fallen in love with some boy. From school? In the band? Maybe on the basketball team? "I love him. I know you want to say love is a strong word but I love him, dad. I have for a long time. I love spending time with him so much, but at the same time it hurts me." 

"I know what I'm going to say is easier said than done, son. But you need to be honest with yourself. And him. Maybe he doesn't love you, but maybe he does. Maybe he's interested but hasn't had the chance to fall in love with you yet." Bertholdt sighed, but appreciated his father's hand on his shoulder and the soft smile his father gave. "I promise everything is going to be okay, son. I love you. Okay?" 

"Okay. Thanks, dad. Let's go check out the penguins and catch up with Udo and Pieck." His father laughed, then accepted Bertholdt's help to stand. The two of them made their way through the crowd and caught up with Udo and Pieck, who were debating which penguin species was the best. 

  


"The wicked burn! Those who sin burn! Living a pure, faithful life abstaining from sin is the only way to save your soul from eternal damnation!" Reiner shuddered while Pastor Nick spoke. It was nerve-wracking for Reiner, because ever since he and Bertholdt started having sex he was so sure that it was meant to be. “Sex is an act created by God to be enjoyed between a faithful husband and a loving wife. Anything else is directly against the will of our Lord!” 

Reiner stared down at his own personal bible, gifted to him years ago by his mother. He had tabs marked with his favorite passages that guided the way he lived. Isaiah 41:10 was his favorite. “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Hebrews 6:19 had been on his mind as of late as well: “We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.” 

“I would like to take this moment to talk about the abomination that is homosexual marriage as they have been calling it.” The vitriol in Pastor Nick’s voice unsettled Reiner. Gabi wasn’t paying attention to him at all, and for that Reiner was glad. He didn’t want her to grow up with such a hateful man preaching. Why did the old pastor leave? “Marriage is heterosexual by definition in the Bible! From the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” 

Marrying Bertholdt. Reiner swallowed and let his mind wander as a form of escapism; he had to run away from this terrible man. Yes, it was legal now. If Bertholdt agreed to it, the only thing stopping him from marrying Reiner was age, and soon enough that would be a moot point anyways. What would their wedding be like? Would Gabi and his mom go, or would they abstain because gay people are an abomination? But Bertholdt wasn’t an abomination, he couldn’t be. If anything, he was one of God’s most perfect creations. 

“Reiner? Are you okay?” He opened his eyes and glanced down at his little sister. Gabi was kicking her legs back and forth, but she had a worried expression on her face. She brought up a hand and wiped at his cheek, and Reiner felt the dampness on his skin. “Please don’t cry, Reiner...” 

“I’m fine, I’m fine...” Reiner shushed his sister quietly, but their mother noticed and glanced to the side. Like Gabi, Karina’s face set into an expression of concern upon seeing Reiner’s damp cheeks. Before she could say anything, Reiner waved a hand dismissively at his mother. “I’m fine. Just leave me alone.” It was very reluctantly that Karina went back to listening to the sermon, but Gabi leaned into Reiner’s side and closed her eyes. He found comfort in the gesture and put an arm around her small shoulders. 

It wasn’t soon enough that the service was over and time for the family to head home. Reiner was silent in the car, and grunted away efforts from his mother to talk to him. He just wasn’t in the mood. As per usual, as soon as they were inside their home Gabi ripped off her dress and put on her pants and sweatshirt. It was always funny to him how much his little sister hated wearing her Sunday best. 

Shit. Bertholdt was supposed to come over today. But he really couldn’t deal with his own self-loathing and confusion. And that was saying a lot, because there wasn’t anything that he wanted more than to see his sweet Bertl and be wrapped up in those long arms. 

Ah. Look at that, he was calling Bertholdt his. Like it meant something. Bertholdt couldn’t ever love an abomination like him, could he? Besides, there were lots of girls at school who thought he was handsome. He could have anyone he wanted. Why settle down with someone who would drag him straight into the fires of hell? 

He sent Bertholdt a quick text message to cancel their plans. Reiner sighed when Bertholdt asked if he was sure, because he really did want to hang out with his best friend. Not even just for sex or fooling around; they’d been friends for so long, he just wanted to be with someone he felt could understand him. 

“Are you okay, sweetie?” Reiner glanced up from having his face stuffed into his pillow to look at his mother. She was standing in the doorway with a concerned expression on her face and a cup of water in her hand. She put the water on his nightstand, then sat down next to him. Tenderly, she started stroking her fingers through his hair. He felt like a child, but at the same time he so desperately wanted to feel his mother’s love. “You’ve been acting odd lately. I’m worried about you. Is your anxiety getting bad again? Do you want me to make you an appointment to see your therapist again soon?” 

Reiner was quiet. He didn’t know what to say, so he shook his head. He’d wait until he was scheduled to see his therapist. He felt his eyes burning, then he looked up from his pillow and met his mother’s eyes. His own eyes, he always noticed. A deep breath in, then out. “You... you’ll love me no matter what, right?” Karina cocked her head, then raised a brow skeptically. 

“Why? What did you do?” Karina noticed the lack of answer, and the vulnerability in his eyes. Immediately she felt guilty for the way she had asked that. “Oh, sweetheart. Of course I love you. I’ll always love you, no matter what.” Karina leaned down and gently kissed Reiner’s cheek, and then he really felt like a kid again. He didn’t get kisses every night from mama like he used to, but he still felt better regardless. “You’re my son, Reiner. I’ve loved you from the day I learned I was having a baby. And that won’t change. Never ever.” 

“Thanks, mama...” He hadn’t called her that in years, but she only hummed softly and kept stroking his hair. He sighed and buried his face into the pillows. 

“I love you, Reiner. Get some rest. I promise everything will be okay. Just try and feel better for me. I’ll make you a special dinner tonight, okay? Sleep well.” He missed her comforting touch when she left, but Reiner still relaxed into his pillow. Maybe one day he could talk to her about his feelings. Let her know how troubled he’d been. Confess his sins. 

Maybe. 

  


He kept to himself at school. Bertholdt tried talking to him, but in the end the two of them weren’t able to hang out. Not between him working on his saxophone solo, Bertholdt’s basketball practice, all the exams coming up, worrying about his grades... Reiner was beat. 

But when Sasha told him to come visit her at the restaurant after school because they had a new special, he couldn’t stay away. He’d been wanting to shove some junk food and milkshakes down his throat. Bertholdt wasn’t able to make it because he was busy with basketball practice, and all his other friends had their own things to do. He should be practicing his saxophone more, but he just wasn’t feeling it. 

“Reiner! Thanks for coming! Nobody ever comes in on Monday nights because they all ate yesterday. My tips are going to be terrible tonight...” Sasha sighed and sat with Reiner at his booth. There were a couple of other people at the restaurant, but another waitress was handling them. Sasha took Reiner’s order and put it in as soon as he was ready, then sat back down with him in the booth. 

“It’s no problem. It’s always nice coming to see you.” The bell rang and Sasha excused herself to take care of the people, but they only wanted to order carry out anyways. Sasha gave Reiner a smile, then adjusted the bow tie of her uniform. 

“I hate these things, this uniform is so stuffy!” Reiner hummed and watched her. Yes, it looked stuffy. For that, he was glad he didn’t work at this place. Even if the food was good, it wasn’t worth it. 

According to Sasha, all the free food was worth it. How she stayed so thin, Reiner couldn’t be sure. All he knew for sure was that if he were in her position, he’d probably be the size of a small car. And smelling the delicious food cooking all night... it was tempting to quit the band and come work at the restaurant with Sasha. But that would also mean wearing that uniform. Maybe he’d be better off staying with his friends and watching what he ate, as much as it hurt his tastebuds to say. 

“I saw you at church yesterday, Reiner. You looked so sad. Have you been feeling okay? You were so busy at school, I never got the chance to ask you what was wrong.” Reiner swallowed; church was the only place Sasha seemed to stay quiet and serious. She wasn’t as religious as his family by any means, but every now and then he saw her family at the church. 

He hadn’t seen her yesterday. Maybe he really was that preoccupied with everything that had been going on. Reiner looked down and scratched behind his head. He couldn’t lie to her. Sasha picked up on his silence and put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Come on, Reiner. You’ve always been such a confident guy. Are you okay? And you always looked so peaceful and happy at church, but lately you’ve seemed so down.” Reiner fidgeted with his fingers, because he knew Sasha. He knew she could see through any lie he managed to come up with. He thought for a moment, then met her eyes. Maybe she would understand. 

“When’s your break? I don’t want you to get in trouble for slacking at work.” Sasha laughed to herself, then leaned back into the booth. 

“Don’t worry about that, we’re dead tonight. It’s not like I’m making bank tonight on tips anyways. Let me just tell my boss I’m stepping outside for a minute. Sasha got up and left, then came back shortly after. “C’mon, let’s head out.” 

The pair went outside, both of them standing outside while leaning against the wall of the building. “Sasha... you go to church. You believe in God too...” Sasha nodded along to his words and absentmindedly started kicking one of her legs back and forth. “Do you think it’s okay to... to not be straight?” 

“Eh? Not straight? Well, I’m pan, sooo...” Sasha shrugged her shoulders and met Reiner’s anxious eyes. “Is that what you’re worried about? Do you not think you’re straight?” Reiner ran both hands through his hair nervously and shook his head. Realization came to Sasha, and she groaned irritably. “It’s Pastor Nick, isn’t it? He’s been awful lately. My family is thinking about going to a new church.” 

“I... I think I’m in love with someone, Sasha. And he’s a guy.” Reiner paused and breathed deeply. His anxiety was getting to him again. He relaxed when Sasha moved closer and pulled him into a warm hug. He wrapped his arms around her and let her run her hands along his back. “I’m so scared, Sasha.” 

“It’s okay, Reiner. It’s going to be okay.” They were silent for a moment. Sasha noticed how tightly Reiner was clinging to her, and she wondered how long he’d been grappling with his feelings. She pulled away and put her hands on his shoulders. “Why are you afraid, Reiner? Are you afraid he doesn’t like you?” 

“No. Uh, I mean yeah, that too... but I’m so afraid. I don’t want to go to hell, Sasha. I don’t want him to go to hell because of me, too. He’s too perfect to suffer for eternity because of me. And my family... what would they think? What if mama gets mad at me?” Reiner’s breathing was becoming unsteady, and Sasha pulled him back into a hug to help him calm down. How long had he been bottling up his feelings? “I don’t want God to hate me because I’m some hideous abomination.” 

“Reiner. Let me ask you something really important. Here, look at me. There you go. Let me ask you something.” Sasha’s eyes were far more serious than Reiner was used to, and it made him shudder. She looked stern, but caring nonetheless. “Does God make mistakes?” 

“Huh?” Reiner frowned at the question. Did God make mistakes? Of course not. All of God’s creations were made just the way they were supposed to be. “No...” 

“Look. If you’re gay, and you’re made from God... maybe God is a little bit gay himself.” Sasha gave him a warm smile and nuzzled into his chest. “I know how you feel... I was so afraid when I was figuring out my own sexuality. My dad was so supportive, and I knew God would love me no matter what. Because he loves me. He made me the way I’m supposed to be. And if you’re gay, it’s okay. Because you’re made just the way God wanted you to be.” 

“If I’m gay, maybe God’s a little gay himself...? God made me gay, and that’s fine...?” Reiner frowned, then stuttered. He looked on the verge of tears, and Sasha wished she could make his pain and confusion go away. He really was struggling, and the way he was talking made her sad that he’d been dealing with everything alone. “I used to love church, Sasha. You remember. Now every time Pastor Nick starts talking I worry about burning forever.” 

“Reiner. God doesn’t want you to live your whole life cowering in fear of him. God wants you to enjoy your life. Be a good person. Help those that need help. That’s how you live for him. Not by being a bible-thumping idiot who doesn’t practice what Jesus taught.” Sasha crossed her arms and shook her head. “My family is switching churches soon because of Pastor Nick. Next week, come with my family to the church we’ve been hearing about. I don’t want you losing your way because of some righteous blowhard.” 

“I... I’d like that, Sasha. Thank you.” Reiner crossed his arms and gave his friend a warm smile. “Thank you for talking to me. It’s helped. You know just what to say, huh?” Sasha laughed and shrugged her shoulders. He pulled her into a tight hug. Her words... they made sense. And he knew she must have had the same feelings before. 

God didn’t make mistakes, that much was true. 

Maybe it was okay if he loved other men. He just hoped that someone as perfect as Bertholdt could love someone like him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gay penguins  
> (Fun fact the gay penguins Roy and Silo had a baby named Tango, the kid’s book And Tango Makes Three was the inspiration for And Gabi Makes Three’s title)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update? This quick?  
> I want to get this fic done so I have one less fic to worry about. I’ve had this part of the fic planned for a long time, I’m glad I’ve finally gotten to it.  
> Enjoy!

His mother had been disappointed whenever Reiner said that he didn’t want to go to church with the family anymore. But she didn’t protest too much when he told her he was still going, just to Sasha’s new church. To an extent, she understood. Pastor Nick was a difficult person to listen to, and Reiner didn’t have the same level of attachment to the church. Reiner’s great-grandmother had started going to that church when it’d been built many many years ago. Karina had many fond memories of going to church with her own mother. 

But at the end of the day, he was still going to church. And that’s what was important in the end. He still felt close to the Lord, so even if she missed him on Sunday it would be okay. 

And he’d seemed so much happier when he came home from church. Deep down, Karina knew that surely Pastor Nick was behind Reiner’s distance. He’d never seemed unhappy at church before the new pastor came around. Even Gabi seemed unhappy. The last thing Karina wanted was her children feeling unhappy. But it hurt knowing the church she grew up with was responsible. 

“You seem happy today, Reiner.” Karina said once Reiner came into the house. He gave her a warm smile and put down his personal bible that he kept at his side. He approached his mother and gave her a peck on the cheek, and Karina hummed happily in response. As if he’d been waiting all day for it, Reiner made his way to the refrigerator and started grabbing food. “Hey, you! We’ve been waiting for you to get home. We wanted to go out to eat.” 

“Really? That sounds great!” Reiner put the lunch meat back in the fridge, then started to unbutton his shirt while he walked to his room. He changed from his nice church clothes into his more casual attire. As soon as he was comfortable he exited his room and peeked into his sister’s room. She was reading a kid’s book that he remembered enjoying when he was young. 

Gabi reading at home. She must really like that book to be so engrossed in it. 

“Did you have a good time at church today, son?” Karina asked while she went to collect her daughter. Gabi didn’t need much convincing to go out to eat; she loved it, and was the first one to the door to leave. Reiner laughed to himself while he followed behind while his mother trailed them and locked the door. “You looked like you had fun when you came back home.” 

“Yeah. It was a good sermon today. The pastor talked about God’s love for his children. It made me feel... happy.” Karina smiled to herself, though she noticed a small flash of anxiety on Reiner’s face. It had been a couple of weeks since Reiner first said he wanted to see what his friend Sasha’s church was like. And he seemed so happy. But every now and again, it seemed like he desperately wanted to say something. But he never did. “I love you, mama.” 

“I love you too, Reiner.” Karina sat in the car, then glanced at Gabi in the backseat. She seemed to have heard their exchange, because she was quick to lean forward. 

“I love you more, mommy!” Gabi added quickly. She stuck her tongue out at Reiner, but Karina turned around and looked at her daughter. Gabi gave her a smarmy grin, but Karina only rolled her eyes. Gabi certainly could get competitive over the silliest things. 

“I’m sure you do, dear... that’s why you leave me laundry piles, huh?” Karina’s voice was monotone while she pulled out and started the car to take the kids out to eat. Reiner chuckled softly and stared out the window when Gabi objected to their mother calling out her messy habits. Gabi was an annoying little asshole sometimes but god, he just loved her so much regardless. They got out of the car quickly and were seated by the staff quickly. 

It was somewhat crowded because of other churchgoing families eating, but not so much that it was uncomfortable. The three of them placed their orders, then accepted the food. Reiner seemed to have had a better experience than his mother and sister at church, if Gabi’s complaining about the service was any indication. 

“Why does God hate us so much, mommy?” Karina looked absolutely aghast at the question, but Reiner only made a sad expression. Gabi fidgeted with her fork anxiously. “I dont’ want to go to hell...” 

“God doesn’t hate us, Gabi. He loves all of us. No matter what.” Karina said gently. Reiner felt his stomach turn, and he knew that Gabi’s time at that church was going to hurt her. And it broke his heart, because she was losing sight of what it really meant to have faith. He wanted to take her away from that terrible place. 

The rest of lunch, Reiner found himself feeling anxious again. His mother noticed, but gently reminded him that his next therapy appointment was soon and if he needed more anxiety medicine, they could do that. But he didn’t feel better at the reminder. If anything, he found himself worried he couldn’t talk to her. 

And when Bertholdt texted him, he felt even more anxious. They’d still been having sex. Lots of it, actually. Almost any time they were left alone Reiner would be fucking Bertholdt senseless, then they would go back to acting like nothing happened. Every time Reiner would tell himself he would confess to Bertholdt, and every time he would get scared and chicken out. 

Maybe if he wasn’t so afraid of his family rejecting him it would be easier. But he couldn’t help but wonder... would his mother reject him? He’d been grappling with the thought for so long, and the more he came to terms with his sexuality, the worse his feelings got. If God loved him no matter what, it would still hurt if his own mother and sister rejected him. He loved God so much. But he loved his mama and baby sister too. 

He’d gotten absolutely terrible at hiding his pain and fear, because he went back to his room after dinner and wanted left alone. But not too much later, there was a gentle knock on his door. Reiner glanced up, and he heard the doorknob start to turn. His mother couldn’t get in because he’d locked it, but the twisting stopped after a moment. His mother’s soft voice was muffled throught the door. “Reiner?” 

“Hmm?” He grunted. He didn’t feel like getting up. Reiner stared at the door. At the bottom, he saw the shadows where his mother’s feet were. She delicately knocked again and put her hand on the door, though he couldn’t see it. 

“Reiner, sweetheart... can I come in? Please?” Reiner groaned internally. He wanted left alone. But the concern in his mother’s voice was too much for him. Other students were better at ignoring their parents, but he was just too tender-hearted. The only time it was easy to ignore family was when it was Gabi and she was bothering him too much. He wordlessly went to his door and unlocked it, then went back to his bed. Karina gently pushed the door open, then closed it behind her. It was dark, so she turned on the lamp on Reiner’s nightstand. “Reiner. Please talk to me.” 

“About what?” He grunted. He knew what, but he didn’t want to talk. It was scary to think about. But his mother reached down and ran her fingers through his hair again. A breath caught in his throat; if she didn’t love him anymore, would she do this for him? 

“You’ve been so anxious lately, Reiner. I’ve been really worried. You used to tell me everything.” Karina sighed and moved her hand so she could stroke her son’s cheek with her thumb. To her dismay, a stray tear dripped from his cheek and onto her hand. “Please talk to me. I can’t bear to see my baby in so much pain.” 

“...I’m afraid you’ll hate me...” Reiner mumbled into his pillow. His mother frowned and stopped stroking his hair. He felt like he’d fucked up, because she seemed taken aback by his comment. “I’m afraid.” 

“Reiner, I’m your mother. I’ll always love–” Karina pulled back whenever Reiner quickly turned away as though he were angry. 

“Parents always say that they’ll always love their kids! Until they don’t! I don’t want you to hate me!” Reiner’s voice deflated, and he breathed in deeply. He choked out a sob and brought a hand up to wipe at his face. Though he had turned away, Karina gently reached forward and put her hand on the back of her son’s shoulder. They quaked under his touch, and she knew he was crying into his hands. “I don’t want you to hate me, mama...” 

It shattered her heart to see Reiner so distressed. Karina scooted so she could hug him from behind. Reiner didn’t react to the gesture, because he was still crying into his hands. Karina swayed him back and forth in an attempt to calm him down. “God, Reiner, please don’t cry... I love you. I could never hate you. Ever.” 

Reiner inhaled sharply, and turned around to look at his mother. His face was red, and tears dripped down his face. She gently brought a hand up and wiped them away. Reiner started fidgeting with his fingers, then stared at the floor while crying and breathing heavily to himself. 

The door cracked open and Gabi peeked inside, but all it took was Karina pointing her finger away with a stern expression to shoo her away for the moment. 

“I... I’m gay, mama...” Reiner said. After he’d said it, he started crying again and buried his face into his hands again. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, mama. I’m sorry.” Karina ran a hand along her son’s shoulder and squeezed it. And suddenly, his behavior made sense. Why church had made him so uneasy. Why he seemed distant at times. Why he’d been concerned she wouldn’t love him. 

And suddenly, she realized how much she’d been hurting her baby by making him go to a church with such a terrible pastor. With more feelings about family tradition and going to the same church instead of considering how it was making her little ones feel. Karina’s lip trembled, and she sniffled. 

“Stop apologizing to me, Reiner. I... I’m sorry...” Karina exhaled and shook her head. “I’ve been hurting you so much and I didn’t even know it... I could never hate you. You’re my boy, and I love you.” Reiner took his face out from his hands and looked at his mother through tired eyes. She leaned forward so she could press a gentle kiss to his cheek. “I don’t care if you’re gay, Reiner... you’ll always be my sweet, perfect son. I promise. I couldn’t ever hate you. God loves you just the way you are... and I do too.” She leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek, then rested her head against his chest. 

He gasped sharply, then started sobbing again. Karina bit her lip and held back the desire to cry herself. Reiner needed her to be strong so he could be comforted by her, as much as it hurt her to see him in such great pain. “I don’t want to go to hell, mama. I don’t want you and Gabi to think I’m an abomination. I keep trying to be a good, faithful son and I keep letting you down.” 

“No, Reiner, no. You aren’t an abomination. I promise. You’re such a sweet, caring young man. I’m so proud of how generous and kind you’ve grown up to be. You aren’t going to burn. I don’t hate you. And I can promise Gabi doesn’t either. She looks up to you so much. You being gay doesn’t undo all of that. Just because Pastor Nick thinks some backwards things doesn’t mean we do...” Karina was holding her son tightly now, him resting his head against her shoulder. She kept threading her fingers through his hair. 

Reiner was silent, save for some stray sobs he managed to choke out. Karina kept rocking him and hugging him in an attempt to soothe him. Eventually, his crying turned into tired breathing while Karina held him close. The door opened again, and concern crossed Gabi’s face when she saw the tear streaks on her brother’s face. 

“Reiner?” Gabi put the toy she’d been carrying down and walked over to him. He looked down at her, and she crawled onto his bed next to him. “Please don’t cry, Reiner.” 

“Reiner... I love you, and Gabi does too. Even if you’re gay. I meant it when I said I’d love you no matter what.” Karina paused for a moment. Reiner looked absolutely exhausted. Like he was going to collapse. How exhausted he must be, carrying around such a heavy burden. “I think... I think Gabi and I will stop going to that church. I didn’t realize how much it was hurting you. I just wish I knew. I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay, mama...” Even if he said it was okay, she knew it wasn’t. He was hurting, and that would never be okay to her. Reiner hugged Gabi against his chest when she nuzzled into him. His breaths were in shudders now. Karina stood, then gestured for Gabi to get up as well. Karina moved so she could hug Reiner into her torso while he sat down. He clung to her, as he did when he was a child. 

“Reiner... you’re obviously exhausted. You need to rest. I know you’ve been having a hard time. But we love you. We always have, and we always will. So please, rest for me. Rest and have sweet dreams. We’ll be right here for you when you wake up. Always.” Reiner closed his eyes wearily whenever his mother leaned down to kiss the top of his head. Gabi reached her hands up and then kissed his cheek when he leaned down. 

“Hmm... I love you too, mama. Gabi.” Karina smiled and ushered Gabi out of the room. She gave Reiner an affectionate smile when she turned around to leave the room. Wearily, he smiled back at her and got under the covers of his bed. 

He was exhausted. But for the first time in a long while, he was able to go to sleep without feeling scared. 

  


It was like having a huge weight off of his chest after he’d come out to his family. When he awoke the next morning, his mother woke him up and had a special breakfast made for him. And Reiner knew that she had to have gotten up early to make it before he had to go to school and she had to go to work. She’d pecked his temple and reminded him that she loved him, and he relaxed. 

Gabi acted like nothing had happened. But she was young, so he didn’t think much of it. Instead, he focused on the affection and love he got. Was he ready to come out to his friends? Not really. He still had a lot of feelings to think about. He needed to work out his feelings for Bertholdt, first and foremost. 

Reiner knew his family loved him. And for that he was grateful. He knew God loved him, because God loved all his creations. His friends loved him, as they always did. But did Bertholdt love him? 

That was one of his only true fears. So badly he wanted to feel Bertholdt’s love. Yes, they fucked on the regular. They kissed and fornicated. But were they making love? Reiner certainly loved Bertholdt... but they weren’t making love. Tender lovemaking with sweet kisses and promises to live side-by-side hadn’t happened. And no matter how much he hyped himself up, as soon as he came and they basked together in the post-coital euphoria he just couldn’t confess his feelings. 

Sometimes Bertholdt almost looked sad after they had sex. Did he regret having sex? Wish he’d lost his virginity to someone else? Reiner couldn’t be sure. 

It was prom season before they knew it, and soon enough it was time for them to be getting ready for prom. The two of them were excited, and gleefully made their way to be fitted for their tuxedos after school one evening. 

The school year was starting to wind down now. Bertholdt and Porco managed to take the basketball team to the championships, and they were just shy of winning. Next year, they would surely win. Reiner would be going away after the summer ended, as would Marcel. They all agreed to spend as many nights together at the lake as possible before they left. 

Reiner knew he was running out of time to confess. But getting fitted for tuxedos wasn’t the right time. 

Bertholdt was looking at the different colored fabrics while he contemplated what color vest to wear underneath his tuxedo. “What color did you say your vest was going to be, Reiner?” Reiner was looking at the jewelry. His mind had wandered to Gabi for some reason. 

“Red. Why?” Bertholdt shrugged and examined all of the fabrics. “Just didn’t want to get the same color as you. I’m struggling... Porco and Marcel just went with the colors that matched Pieck and Annie’s dresses.” 

“I think dark blue would match your eyes.” As soon as he’d said it, Reiner froze. Bertholdt was silent, too, and it was that much more awkward in the room. Bertholdt turned around to look at Reiner, but Reiner couldn’t even think about turning around and facing Bertholdt. How could he say something like that?! 

“...My eyes?” Bertholdt asked in confusion. Could it be Reiner was staring into his eyes because he loved him? Bertholdt wanted to feel touched. Maybe... 

“Uh, yeah. Since you don’t have a girl to match with, you could pick based on your eyes.” Reiner said quickly, unable to look at his best friends. Bertholdt deflated, but then laughed sadly and nodded. Yeah, Reiner definitely knew his eye color. When they had sex in missionary Reiner spent a lot of time looking at his eyes, didn’t he? It was just because they were close together. 

Bertholdt swallowed, then nodded. Maybe the dark blue would match his eyes... Reiner was smart. Of course that made sense. Bertholdt picked out the dark blue fabric for his tie and vest. Reiner turned around after a moment, and his cheeks were dusted pink. He made no comment about it, but then came forward and put his hand on Bertholdt’s shoulder. “Told ya blue would look good!” 

“Yeah.” I guess it will.” Bertholdt seemed quieter, but Reiner wasn’t sure why. Maybe he was still feeling awkward about the eyes comment? He shouldn’t have said something romantic like that... Reiner wanted to smack himself! Why say things that might make Bertholdt feel weird? It wasn’t like they were boyfriends where that comment might have been sweet. It was just awkward. 

Reiner sighed and pushed his feelings back down into his gut. He just couldn’t confess. All he could do was make things weird. 

  


To say he’d been feeling frustrated would be an understatement. It wasn’t like Reiner was ignoring him; far from it! Reiner had some sort of religious crisis recently that resulted in him having a minor breakdown, but it wasn’t long before Reiner was back to his old self. Sasha was very tight-lipped, because even though she knew what was troubling him she refused to tell anyone. All Bertholdt knew was that she mentioned having a heart-to-heart with him. 

Why Reiner couldn’t talk to him about it, Bertholdt wasn’t sure. He wanted to be hurt, but deep down he knew it was because Reiner and Sasha went to church together. He just wanted to feel the intimacy of sharing deeply personal issues with the man he loved. 

After Reiner recovered from his apparent dissolution with his faith, he seemed to be back to his usual routine. They’d hang out, have sex, play their instruments together, watch tv, hang out with their friends, play together at the arcade... so why was he always so uneasy? Every time they had sex, Reiner looked like he wanted to say something. Bertholdt would feel his chest start to flutter with hope, then his dreams would come crashing down the minute Reiner said something mundane or silly. Or he’d get those platonic “I love yous” that friends gave to one another. 

Bertholdt had thought about confessing. But after too many times he’d gotten his hopes up, that he’d thought Reiner would say something, he just gave up. It was obvious that Reiner only saw him as a friend, and that sometimes when Reiner said vaguely romantic things he tried to backtrack. Maybe he was silly for hoping Reiner would love him. But nonetheless, Bertholdt still clung to his best friend. 

Even if Reiner was going away soon. Even if their little affair that meant so much to him would burn out. Even if he had to watch Reiner move on. Bertholdt would stay, because he loved Reiner even if Reiner didn’t love him. 

But it hurt. And it got harder every day, because every day Reiner would do something cute or sweet or kind that made him realize why he loved his friend even more. Reiner was a doting sibling; surely he’d be a great father one day. He was kind, and cared for those who needed love the most. He volunteered with his church to help the needy. He was just such a good person. 

Prom night arrived, and they had agreed to meet up at the venue. Reiner would drive in his truck, and Bertholdt would get a ride from Pieck. He sat in the backseat while Porco sat up front alongside his girlfriend. The tuxedo was warm, but not uncomfortable. Porco’s vest and tie matched Pieck’s gorgeous ice-blue dress. She really was a beautiful young woman. 

Reiner had gotten there first, because Bertholdt caught sight of the familiar truck in the parking lot. Reiner was slouching in his seat, but jumped in alarm whenever Bertholdt approached and tapped on the window. A nervous smile made its way onto Reiner’s face when he saw that it was just Bertholdt knocking on his window. He got out and chuckled to himself, even though his heart was still racing in his chest. 

“I’m sorry, Reiner! I didn’t mean to scare you...” Bertholdt said softly. Reiner brushed it off and laughed. No harm done. 

“It’s okay, Bertl. Just wasn’t expecting it is all. Doesn’t everyone look good in their clothes? And look how pretty some of the girls are with their hair and makeup and dresses...” Reiner trailed off and admired some of their friends. Annie looked beautiful, and Marcel seemed so proud to have her by his side. Pieck looked like she came straight from a fairy tale, and Porco couldn’t look happier. And of course Christa was drop-dead gorgeous! 

“Look how beautiful Christa looks tonight, Bertl...” Reiner blushed at the sight. And Bertholdt couldn’t deny it. She looked like she belonged on the front page of a magazine. Her parents were wealthy, and she could have any dress she wanted. Her makeup and hair were magnificent, and her dress was elegant. If it was possible to be overdressed for prom, she would be. 

Ymir looked so plain in comparison, but she didn’t seem to care at all. She was just enamored by Christa. Even Bertholdt felt his face burning at the sight of her beautiful dress. Reiner’s face was burning red, like he saw an actual goddess. Bertholdt frowned and ignored the feeling of jealousy brewing in the pit of his stomach. Of course Reiner would look like that. He’d always had a crush on Christa, after all. This wasn’t anything new. 

Even if Reiner didn’t have a chance in hell because Christa was a lesbian, it still hurt. It wasn’t like Reiner was trying to hook up with Christa either, because no matter how much he liked her he also knew she wasn’t interested in men. But to have Reiner looking at him with such affection, Bertholdt would do almost anything. 

Regardless, it was easy to push those feelings aside when it was time to take pictures with all of their friends. It was so much fun, and Bertholdt loved getting to look so good alongside his very best friends. They all looked fantastic, and the pictures he would cherish forever. He knew that his father was going to print out several of them to hang up around the house, but that was okay. 

He and Reiner decided to get the professional picture taken together; neither of them had dates, so why not? The two of them posed with their arms around the other’s shoulders, just like best guy friends would. It made him sad to think about the fact that they weren’t getting sweet, romantic pictures together like Pieck and Porco were. But it was okay. 

Then it was time to have fun and listen to music and drink punch together with their friends. They all sat down at the table and enjoyed the dinner that the school had catered for them; Reiner got the chicken, but he got the steak. Pieck got the chicken too, but everyone else got the steak. 

When it came time for dancing, it became obvious that Marcel wasn’t worried at all about looking like a fool. But he was having fun, so why would he? Sasha and Reiner danced together too, because they were friends and wanted to spend time together. Bertholdt wasn’t as good of a dancer, and Ymir seemed to have a desire to make him look like an idiot. But it was all in good fun. He found himself laughing with Christa and Ymir by the end of it. 

Porco made a comment that his moves were weak, but it didn’t matter. It wasn’t like Porco was a good dancer either. When a slow song came on, all he knew to do was put his hands on Pieck’s shoulders and awkwardly shuffle around. Part of Bertholdt thought it was sweet, but mostly it was just disgusting. Bleh. 

Time to announce prom king and prom queen came quickly. Bertholdt lost track of time and didn’t realize how quickly time had gone by. Maybe it was because he was having so much fun? Reiner was dancing with him and having fun by his side, and Bertholdt had been so happy to be making such pleasant memories with his friends. 

Prom queen was announced first, and nobody was surprised when Historia “Christa” Reiss was crowned. And she looked so stunning with the tiara and prom queen sash. Ymir looked on fondly and clapped for her girlfriend. Bertholdt was happy for her. 

And then it was time for prom king. He shouldn’t have been surprised. He really shouldn’t have. Everyone clapped for Reiner when he was announced as prom king, then got his own crown and sash. He and Christa linked their arms together when they accepted their prom royalty titles, then went to the center of the dance floor for the king and queen dance. 

Reiner wasn’t like Porco. He wasn’t someone who awkwardly shuffled around in circles. He and Christa both knew how to dance. He took Christa’s hand in his own, and moved in time with her. They danced together like they’d rehearsed, even though Bertholdt knew they hadn’t because Reiner would’ve complained about it. Prom king and queen weren’t even announced. 

But watching them twirl together, holding one another close, the way Reiner delicately held her small hand in his own made Bertholdt’s heart hurt. 

But it was okay, Reiner deserved it. So did Christa. 

It was okay. 

... 

It wasn’t okay. 

Towards the end of the dance, Bertholdt felt his lip start to tremble. His eyes burned, and they felt sore. He blinked and felt the tears start dripping down his face. Reiner looked so happy dancing with Christa. He wasn’t the one Reiner was holding close. For so long they’d been so intimate, yet in spite of it all he wasn’t the one Reiner was holding close for prom. He wasn’t the one whose hand Reiner held. 

After the dance ended, Reiner parted from Christa and looked around for a moment. His eyes fell to Bertholdt, but his expression set into one of concern. He frowned and started walking towards him. “Bertholdt?” 

It was too much. His heart felt like it was breaking in his chest. Bertholdt choked out a sob, drawing the attention of his close friends. They all looked at him, and now he felt embarrassed in addition to being heartbroken. Bertholdt turned away and started to walk away, but when he heard Reiner call for him he only ran. 

After he went outside, he went to stand on the side of the building where nobody else was. He let himself choke out a few sobs, but the tears kept falling. It wasn’t long at all before Reiner found Bertholdt, and he quickly approached his friend and grabbed his shoulders. Bertholdt didn’t resist and only kept crying to himself. 

“Bertl! What’s wrong? Are you okay?” The sun was setting now, and the warm light formed a pretty halo around Reiner’s hair. His blond hair glowed and gave him an almost magical appearance with his crown on. Bertholdt looked at his handsome friend, then grit his teeth and cried again. “Bertl–” 

“Stop it! Go away, Reiner!” Bertholdt tried to say it like a command, but it came across more as a pitiful request. Reiner shook his head and gripped Bertholdt’s shoulders tightly. Bertholdt weakly protested, but Reiner wasn’t going anywhere. “Just... leave me alone, please...” 

“Why? I’m not going anywhere until you tell me what’s wrong.” Bertholdt seemed frustrated and frowned, then tried to pull away. True to his word, Reiner grabbed Bertholdt’s forearms and held him in place. Bertholdt wasn’t going anywhere, and that irritated him because all he wanted was to be left alone. “Bertholdt. You’re my best friend. I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.” 

“Leave me alone, Reiner!” Bertholdt’s voice rose, but still Reiner wasn’t phased. He kept his grip tight, and Bertholdt found himself getting angry. “Why won’t you leave me alone?” 

“Because something’s wrong! Talk to me! Why are you crying? What’s wrong?” 

“I love you, you idiot!” Bertholdt said sharply. He deflated as soon as the words were out, then he felt more tears well up in his eyes. He let out another sob, and was ready to break down. “I love you, Reiner... but I know deep down Christa is the one you like...” 

It wasn’t silent. The crickets were starting their nightly song, and a gentle breeze passed before them. Bertholdt stared at the ground and felt the tears drip down his nose. Reiner seemed to be holding his breath, because Bertholdt could only hear his own breathing. 

“Bertl...” Reiner said softly. Bertholdt didn’t look up. Instead, he felt Reiner’s fingers go to his chin to tilt up his head. Grey eyes met amber, and in spite of himself Bertholdt swallowed instinctively. Reiner was staring straight into his soul, but then leaned forward and delicately pressed his lips against Bertholdt’s. 

Bertholdt didn’t react. He wasn’t sure he could react, given the shock he felt. Reiner’s face was a deep red when he pulled away. As though to prove a point, Reiner put his hands on Bertholdt’s shoulders and leaned in for another kiss, then pecked his cheek. Another tear dripped out, and Reiner hastily brushed it away. 

“Reiner...?” 

“Bertl...” Reiner sighed and started to run a hand through his hair, but then didn’t. Instead he crossed his arms and turned to look at the sun setting on the horizon. It was pretty. “I... I love you too...” Reiner breathed in deeply, then turned to stare at Bertholdt seriously. “I have for a long time. Since before we even fooled around for the first time. I’ve been in love with you for a long time, Bertl...” 

“Why didn’t you tell me, Reiner?” Reiner laughed sadly, and Bertholdt could tell Reiner was on the cusp of panicking. He reached out and grabbed Reiner’s shoulder, then squeezed it. “I thought this whole time I was just a fuck buddy...” 

“God, no, Bertholdt. I’m crazy about you. I dream about you all the time.” Reiner sighed and leaned into Bertholdt’s tall frame in an attempt to seek out warmth and comfort. “I was afraid. I was afraid you wouldn’t love me back. I was afraid of going to hell for loving a man. It caused me to have a crisis with my faith.” Reiner looked very seriously at Bertholdt, and he saw genuine concern in Reiner’s eyes. “I was so afraid to love you. I didn’t want to burn forever... but even more than that, I didn’t want you to burn. I just loved you so much, the thought of you going to hell because of me was too much to bear.” 

Reiner’s eyes started welling up, and now Bertholdt felt compelled to pull Reiner close while he cried quietly into his shoulder. Bertholdt saw Pieck and Marcel out of the corner of his eye, and shooed them away immediately. They must’ve come looking for the two of them. 

“Reiner... I love you. I love you too. I’m... I don’t know what to say.” Reiner shook his head, then leaned up to kiss Bertholdt through his own tears. Bertholdt held both of Reiner’s cheeks in his hands and then ran his thumbs along Reiner’s high cheekbones. Reiner pulled away and started wiping at his eyes. Bertholdt did the same, and tried to make himself look presentable. 

“I just love you. I know now that it’s okay for me to be gay... but then after that I kept getting afraid to confess.” Reiner again buried himself into Reiner’s chest and sighed. “I just love you so damn much, but I didn’t think you loved me. I was afraid of you rejecting me.” Bertholdt chuckled to himself and kissed Reiner’s forehead. 

“I couldn’t reject you, Reiner...” Bertholdt let Reiner cling to him while they composed themselves. After the two of them calmed down and steadied their breathing, Reiner backed away. He reached down and took Bertholdt’s hands into his own, then ran his thumbs along the back of Bertholdt’s palms. 

“I love you, Bertholdt. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.” Reiner was quiet for a moment, then leaned forward to kiss Bertholdt again. “I guess... I should ask... will you, uh... can I be your boyfriend, then?” Reiner stuttered the end of his question, then looked away in embarrassment. Bertholdt processed what he was asked, then chuckled and pulled Reiner in for a kiss. 

“Yes, Reiner. Yes.” Bertholdt nuzzled his new boyfriend, and enjoyed the feeling of Reiner laughing quietly against him. The two of them embraced, then put their foreheads together. Reiner smiled and took Bertholdt’s hand, then started to lead him back inside the venue. “Reiner?” 

“I want to go to the photographer. So we can get another picture together.” Bertholdt smiled and joined Reiner while they went to get another picture made. Instead of their arms around one another’s shoulders, Reiner leaned his head into Bertholdt’s shoulder and let Bertholdt hold him close. 

After that was done, Reiner pecked Bertholdt again. Bertholdt sighed happily, then went back to where their friends were. 

“Bertholdt! Reiner! Are you two okay?” Marcel’s voice was full of concern, but Pieck gave a gentle smile to the two of them. Bertholdt laughed sheepishly and glanced down at his boyfriend. 

“Yes, we’re okay. Better than okay.” They didn’t necessarily tell their friends about what happened, but it was obvious enough whenever the next slow song came on. 

Bertholdt put his hand into Reiner’s, then sighed happily when they twirled together on the dance floor. 

That was okay. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They were supposed to fuck this chapter but this felt like a good place to end it.   
> There’ll be a sex mini-chapter between this chapter and the ending though ;)


	8. Chapter 7.5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex scene that was supposed to go into last chapter. Enjoy ;)

No sooner than the party wound down, Bertholdt found himself with the car keys while Pieck left with Porco, Marcel and Annie. They were all going to the Galliard’s house for a small after-party, but Bertholdt insisted on going a little bit later. He wanted to go home and change first, because he wasn’t really keen on lounging around in his tuxedo all night. But Pieck absolutely insisted on going straight over with Porco and gave him the car keys. 

She was probably just impatient to get dicked down. He knew his sister, and he saw her tuck the condoms into her purse before prom. Hell, if they were already at Porco’s house she was probably naked right then. 

Bleh. 

But that didn’t matter, because now he was in the backseat of their shared car, and now he could say he was making out with his boyfriend because holy fuck, Reiner liked him too! It was like he was walking on cloud nine! He was just so fucking happy, it was unbelievable. Every kiss filled him with love, and every caress from Reiner made him feel like all was right in the world. 

It was magical. They had driven somewhere they would be all alone. The sky was clear outside the car, but they were more concerned with one another. Reiner seemed more enthusiastic than usual, and kept peppering “I love you” between his kisses. Bertholdt was so unabashedly in love, it was almost too much. As long as Reiner held him close, he knew everything would be okay. 

“You’re perfect, Bertholdt...” Reiner mumbled when he pulled back. His hair was messy from where Bertholdt kept running his hands through it, and his lips were kiss-swollen. His face was red, and he looked so genuinely happy. “Kiss me again.” 

“I love you, Reiner.” Bertholdt mumbled. Instead of going for Reiner’s lips, instead he went for Reiner’s sensitive neck. How many times had they had sex before? Enough for Bertholdt to know that Reiner was especially sensitive on the neck. Bertholdt drank in Reiner’s gasp, then licked the burning-hot skin. Reiner was so damn hot in the tuxedo, it was unbelievable. Reiner gasped and moaned at the warm tongue on his skin. 

“Oh, Bertl...” Reiner sighed. Bertholdt smirked against Reiner’s skin, then reached his hand down to undo Reiner’s pants. Reiner didn’t object, but he smiled when Bertholdt fondled his erection through his underwear. “I want to make love, Bertl. For real this time.” 

“Me too.” Bertholdt was silent for a moment, then pecked Reiner’s neck again. “Can I top this time? I know I never have, but...” Reiner nodded quickly. He didn’t need to explain his warped reasoning before that the reason he never bottomed was because he was afraid God would hate him more for doing that. It didn’t really make sense anymore, but his anxious mind said he always needed to top. 

Him fingering himself in the shower thinking about Bertholdt had been a favorite fantasy of his, though. Bertholdt moaned at Reiner’s agreement and shivered in anticipation. He was excited to finally get to feel Reiner the way Reiner had felt him. Maybe he was thinking too much about it, but the thought of such intimacy made him excited. 

“Here, let me just...” Reiner reached down and untied his dress shoes, then kicked them off. After he was done with that, he pulled down his pants and underwear, then put them in the front seat where they wouldn’t get dirty. Before, maybe he would’ve felt exposed. But it was just his perfect Bertl here, and he was comfortable. Again, they wrapped their arms around one another and began making out. “Ah, yes, Bertholdt...” 

The strokes on his cock were familiar but exciting. Reiner enjoyed the slow and teasing touch, then looked at Bertholdt’s eyes. Pretty grey. Full of love and affection. His Bertholdt. Reiner gasped and bucked his hips while Bertholdt touched him, then whined when Bertholdt pulled his hand away. 

His messenger bag was haphazardly tossed on the floor of the car. He’d probably tossed it there after school and forgotten to take it inside. Bertholdt reached down and produced the small bottle of lube he’d kept for when he and Reiner fooled around away from their homes. “Have you ever fingered yourself?” Bertholdt’s question was spoken softly. Reiner nodded and got a pleased hum from his boyfriend. 

Shower fantasies weren’t really something they’d talked about much with one another. All Bertholdt really knew was that he had never fingered Reiner. That added another element of excitement for him. Bertholdt pushed down his own pants and underwear to below his knees, then gestured for Reiner to sit on his lap. Reiner leaned back against the seat and watched in anticipation when Bertholdt coated his fingers in lube. 

“Just relax, Reiner. There you go. You like that? You sound like you like it...” Bertholdt’s words were teasing while Reiner moaned into the air. Reiner thrust his hips whenever Bertholdt put the second finger inside. It was ridiculously hot, and Bertholdt just loved Reiner’s tight heat around his fingers. After he’d thrust some with his third finger, Bertholdt withdrew. “Okay, let me just grab the condom...” 

He had it on quickly enough. It was so exciting, he almost couldn’t believe this was all real. Reiner loved him. They were boyfriends now. 

And now he got to fuck Reiner on prom night? It was like the plot to a bad teen movie. Bertholdt’s mouth fell open when Reiner began to lower himself down onto his cock. As soon as Reiner was sitting completely on his lap, Bertholdt let out the breath he had been holding in. “Bertl... I feel... full?” 

“Yeah, full... you feel really good, Reiner. So warm...” Bertholdt mumbled against Reiner’s shoulder. He did feel good. So good. Maybe he was blinded by his feelings. But he just wanted to feel close to his Reiner. Reiner put an arm around Bertholdt’s neck while Bertholdt slowly pulled out, then pushed back inside. “Ahh, Reiner...” 

“Oh, Bertl, that’s it.” Reiner squeezed his eyes shut while Bertholdt set a slow but steady rhythm. He’d been the one who’d been bottoming up to this point, so Bertholdt knew to be careful and gentle. For that, Reiner was glad. But the way Bertholdt rolled his hips and filled him up made Reiner pant into the air. Bertholdt was mumbling nothing in particular against his shoulder. Reiner turned his head to look at his boyfriend, then smiled. He reached up and took off his prom king crown, then put it on Bertholdt’s head. “My king. I love you.” 

“Ah, I love you too, Reiner...” Bertholdt reached a hand down and started stroking him. Reiner smiled, then threw his head back and moaned. Bertholdt felt so good, he wanted to smack himself for not enjoying this before. No wonder Bertholdt never cared to bottom all the time! Reiner wanted more of this! Bertholdt leaned in to kiss his neck again, and Reiner grit his teeth. “Ah, ahhh, ahhhh... Reiner, yes! Yes!” 

Bertholdt moaned loudly whenever he came, and the hard thrusts as he rode out his orgasm were absolutely delicious. Reiner gasped whenever Bertholdt's jerking became harder and faster. They were careful to make sure Reiner came into some napkins, lest they accidentally stain their tuxedo rentals. Reiner felt uncomfortable after a moment having Bertholdt’s softening cock inside him, so he got off Bertholdt’s lap and put his underwear back on. 

He may have been cute before, but Bertholdt with the crown was almost too cute. Reiner blushed and pulled Bertholdt in for a sweet kiss. “I love you, my Bertholdt.” 

Bertholdt laughed and nuzzled his nose against Reiner’s. “I love you too, my Reiner.” 

They sat together in the car and threaded their fingers together. Soon, they would go to Reiner’s house and grab a change of clothes. Bertholdt had no issue wearing some of Reiner’s pajamas that would fit. 

For now, though, they sat in the back of the car and cuddled. 

They were happy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter originally ended with this sex scene but I liked leaving it off where I did.
> 
> I’ll write the last chapter and epilogue as soon as I can. I hope you’ve enjoyed the story so far! Thank you for sticking with me <3


	9. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last full chapter! I'll post an epilogue soon ^^

There wasn't much of an announcement made regarding them becoming a couple; everyone noticed Bertholdt and Reiner dancing together on prom night, and the way they slow danced with one another was a dead giveaway. Nobody said much on prom night because they were with their close friends and after it was over, the two disappeared. 

Bertholdt would have been nervous wondering if there would be a rumor, but in the end Reiner eagerly gave Bertholdt his letter jacket to wear around the school. Not an uncommon thing for couples to do; Annie wore Marcel's letter jacket all the time. And on a practical level, it was pretty warm and kept him comfortable throughout the day. 

The main thing that changed was the way they acted when they got privacy. All the things that Bertholdt had so desperately wished for were reality now, and it was magical. When they were alone, Reiner would snuggle him on the couch. Bertholdt loved nuzzling his head into the crook of Reiner's shoulder while Reiner held him close. They'd kiss and share their "I love yous" and talk about their long, happy lives together. 

Reiner's eventual departure for Marley University was something that Bertholdt had kept avoiding bringing up, though. Reiner would talk about going away soon, and at no point did he ever say much. He'd quietly admitted one day that he didn't want to leave. Didn't want to leave his family, his friends, his Bertholdt. He hadn't meant it in a way that suggested he was giving up his education. But Bertholdt knew it was something that weighed on Reiner's mind a lot. 

It stayed on his mind too. He and Reiner were boyfriends now, and in less than six months he would be gone away to school. The thought hurt his heart. Would they drift apart? Would they be long-distance? What if Reiner found someone new? Someone better? The thought of him _finally_ getting the man of his dreams only for him to slip away haunted him. When they were together, Reiner was the sappy one who talked cheerfully about their lives together. As though he were oblivious to the realities of life far away. 

Sometimes, the pain was too much. Especially as they got closer and closer to summer break. In years past, they looked forward to summer vacation with excitement. The summers together at the lake with all their friends... some of Bertholdt's favorite memories were made at that small enclave. And surely this summer, it would be the same. 

But then after the summer ended, Reiner and Marcel would both be gone. Was Annie feeling the same way? Bertholdt wasn't sure. She wasn't really one for talking about her feelings. Was Porco? If there was anyone on Annie's level of avoiding feelings, it was Porco. It was driving him mad, until one day he just couldn't take it anymore. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Annie asked gruffly whenever Bertholdt grabbed her by the arm after class one day and pulled her aside. She didn't register him as a threat, because he would've already had a broken leg if she thought he was going to hurt her. She seemed more surprised than anything. Bertholdt swallowed while he looked down at Annie. She was so small... but he didn't dare call her cute, even if she was. "What are you sweating so much for? I know Dr. Zoe didn't make you _that_ nervous." 

"Annie. I need to talk to you after school. Please?" Annie reached down and glanced at her cellphone. She shrugged her shoulders dismissively. Bertholdt never was good at interpreting Annie's actions, and she seemed to notice that his expression was distressed. Annie shook her head and pulled her arm away. 

"I'll tell Marcel to wait on me. You must be desperate to be asking me for help instead of your sister." Bertholdt frowned but didn't protest. Annie gave him a snarky smile, then went on her way to her next class. He supposed he should do the same. It was art class, so at least he would have a chance to relax and do what he wanted to do. 

And working on his art did help. Enough that after getting behind-the-bleachers smooches from Reiner he was relaxed enough to talk to Annie. She had her arms crossed while mindlessly scrolling through her phone when Bertholdt approached her. He'd wanted privacy, so he'd texted her to meet him behind the school. She glanced to the side when he approached, then put her phone away. 

"Hey." Her word was short, but not angry or upset. 

"Hey, Annie..." Bertholdt scratched behind his head and chuckled nervously. "I... I need to talk about something and you're the only person who I thought might be able to understand." Annie paused, then laughed to herself and shook her head. 

"Why is it that you guys are always coming to me to talk? Isn't there anyone better?" There was some sort of meaning behind her words, but Bertholdt wasn't sure what that meaning might be. He laughed sheepishly and fidgeted for a moment. 

"Well... I just need to ask you something." He breathed in, then breathed out. "Do you think a lot about Marcel going away in the fall? I just... I can't stop thinking about Reiner leaving." Bertholdt suddenly felt his eyes burning, and he reached up to wipe his eyes with his sleeve. "He's going away and I'm going to be left here by myself..." 

Annie was silent, but when Bertholdt looked at her he could tell she was deep in thought. A cool breeze made his hair sway in the breeze, and Bertholdt swallowed at how pretty she looked. There was a hint of vulnerability in her eyes, and Bertholdt immediately knew she'd been troubled as well. Annie always was good at guarding her emotions. "I understand. I do think a lot about Marcel leaving. I've thought about your oaf boyfriend leaving too." 

At least he wasn't alone in his feelings. Bertholdt internally sighed a breath of relief, then looked down at Annie. Her arms were still crossed, but now she was absentmindedly staring at the ground. Her hair was still blowing gently in the breeze. The oversized plaid shirt she wore suited her, as did the sneakers she was wearing. "I'm scared, Annie. I don't want Reiner to leave. What if he moves on?" 

Annie glanced up at Bertholdt with a cocked brow, then laughed to herself and shook her head. "I don't think you need to worry about that. Reiner's had his eye on you for a long time. I'm not worried about Marcel leaving." Annie paused and thought to herself. "Not anymore. I talked with someone who helped me a lot. He made me realize that going away for a while doesn't mean leaving. I'll be sad that Marcel isn't here with me, but I know someday he and I will be living here together again." 

"Heh, I guess that's true... Reiner and I always talk about living here. He wants to travel, but he wants to live here where his friends and family are. I guess I can't blame him." Bertholdt sighed and moved to lean on the wall next to Annie. She glanced up at him while he stared at nothing in particular. "I'm still going to miss him. So much. The thought of being alone and him being so far away is tearing me up." 

"I can't help you there, Bertholdt. Because I feel the same way." Bertholdt sighed and ran a hand through his hair, then looked down at Annie. She was staring at the ground again, and he knew she was fretting about the future. Part of him felt guilty. He gently pulled her into a hug, and she surprisingly returned it. He could count on one hand the number of times in their friendship she'd let him hug her. 

In ten years, this was the fourth time. They'd probably get to the fifth sometime during their college years. 

She hugged him back, and it was nice. No sooner than they'd parted, the two of them walked back to the school's parking lot and found Reiner and Marcel listening to music in Marcel's car. 

Bertholdt smiled when he approached his boyfriend and one of his best friends. He was going to miss them dearly. 

But for now, they were here. 

  


The end of the school year came so fast, it made Bertholdt's head spin. Now it was summer break; on the one hand, he was upset that his time with Reiner was winding down. But on the other hand, he got to spend so much more time with his beloved now that they didn't have to go to school. Nights where they spent the night with one another were the best, because they absolutely loved watching tv into the wee hours of the morning before falling asleep nuzzled together on the couch. Or, if they were staying at Bertholdt's house, sometimes they would sleep together in his bed and Bertholdt would wake up to find Reiner gently stroking his hair. 

They never had sex while sleeping over. That'd be a good way to ensure they weren't allowed to do that anymore. Best to just do it when they were alone, or somewhere besides home. Now that it was warm outside, they'd make love by the lake quite often. Those were summer memories Bertholdt was sure he would remember forever. Taking a blanket, a radio to listen to music, some beers that Reiner got from Marcel, and just being two best friends in love made for the best nights of the summer. They'd laugh, share their feelings, make out, make love, dance to their favorite songs on the radio... 

And then there were the nights they'd all get together. Marcel and Porco were pouring lighter fluid onto the sticks to start the small fire, and they had plenty of chopped wood to keep it going into the night. There were bags of marshmallows, chocolate and graham crackers to make s'mores, and some hot dogs to roast if anyone wanted one. 

"Ah, I love this song!" Marcel started singing off-key to the music on the radio, and Annie rolled her eyes but still looked at him affectionately while Porco joined in. Pieck laughed to herself, but Bertholdt wasn't paying them any mind because Reiner's marshmallow had caught on fire. The melted glob of sugar fell into the fire, and Reiner seemed to be mourning its loss. Bertholdt handed his dejected boyfriend another marshmallow, then smiled when Reiner offered him a s'more. 

"You've drank too much, Marcel." Porco was the designated driver tonight, so he'd be taking his brother, Annie and Pieck home. Bertholdt and Reiner were both drinking, but they'd be fine with waiting until they'd sobered up before they went to Reiner's home for the night. "You think your dancing is actually good." Porco's arms were crossed and his expression was unimpressed. Marcel waved a hand dismissively at his brother while he enjoyed the music. 

Porco just didn't know how to appreciate a good song! 

"I'm going to miss this next year." Pieck sighed and leaned back, her black hair falling into the grass. A stick bug crawled into it, but she didn't care. She named it Twiggy. Marcel seemed confused and cocked his head at her words. Her face was flushed red from the beer, but she was humming to herself along with the music. 

"What do you mean, Pieck?" Marcel asked. Bertholdt glanced at his sister and watched her pick up the stick bug. She put it on her belly and watched it crawl on her. He shuddered; he never did like bugs the way she did. Reiner laughed at Bertholdt's look of mild horror while he roasted himself another marshmallow. "Why wouldn't we do this next year?" 

"Oh, you know. With you and Reiner going away. You won't be here. It won't be the same without you two." Marcel turned down the music and sat down, him looking seriously into the fire pit. The flames were hot, and Reiner swore when his second marshmallow ignited and fell into the fire. Bertholdt chuckled and took Reiner's stick to roast for him. "I'll miss it." 

"Reiner and I will be back, though. Over the summer, I thought? I don't want to move away and live out there, Pieck..." Marcel shook his head and listened to the fire crackle. The crickets were singing, and the moonlight reflecting off the water was beautiful. Marcel sighed, then got up and put a new piece of wood into the fire. "I'm going to miss all of you. More than you know. But that doesn't mean it's adieu. It's just see you later." 

"Hmm. I'd like that. You two coming back for summer. I've wanted to go to the University of Liberio, you know that's so close to here. I've wondered if you were coming back. If my baby brother was going to be moving away." Bertholdt rolled his eyes. She was only older than him by four minutes! He wasn't her baby brother! "Next year all of us will be out of school. It's weird to think about." 

"I know. No more marching band, no more basketball, no more seeing that idiot Eren every day." Porco tossed a stray twig into the fire, then watched it burn. He was feeling peckish, so he started to roast a hot dog. Or a weenie, as Pieck liked to call it. "I don't feel like an adult. What am I supposed to do after next year? I'm not the college type like Pieck..." 

"Then don't go." Annie's words were blunt. Porco glanced over at her, and she shrugged. "I'm not going to school. I want to be a personal trainer. Open my own Muay Thai training studio one day. College won't help me." Annie leaned her head over and rested it on Marcel's shoulder. He laughed softly and put an arm around her shoulders. 

"You have plenty of time to figure it out. I want to go to the Liberio Art Institute. I'm looking forward to it." Bertholdt smiled to himself. Being a professional artist... it might be hard starting out, but he had a supportive family and an encouraging boyfriend. Maybe he couldn't tell the future. Couldn't be sure it'd pan out. But he was young, and he had time to chase his dreams. 

"My Bertholdt, an artist. How lucky am I?" Reiner cooed affectionately. Porco rolled his eyes and made a gesture like he was disgusted. 

"Get a room, you two." Porco said deadpan. Bertholdt frowned and shook his head while Reiner nervously eyed the marshmallow. If Bertholdt got distracted, it'd get burned! 

"Our PDA is nothing like yours. Stop making out with my sister in my car and then we'll talk." Reiner ignored the bickering that ensued between Porco and Bertholdt; instead, he took the stick from Bertholdt and collected the perfect golden-brown marshmallow and put it on his s'more. Pieck was playing with Twiggy and paid her brother no mind. 

Eventually, it got late enough that Porco wanted to go home. Annie agreed easily, and Marcel was ready to pass out from having drunk too much. Reiner idly wondered if Marcel would drink a lot in college, but he wasn't too worried about it. Marcel had a good head on his shoulders after all. He just wanted to have some fun at their get-together was all. 

After everyone was gone, Reiner went to his truck and grabbed the blanket and pillows that he'd put inside, then spread the blanket on the grass close to the water. Bertholdt joined him, then rested his head on Reiner's shoulder and watched the water ripple. The way the moonlight reflected off the ripples was breathtaking, and Bertholdt wanted to stay in that calm moment forever. Reiner leaned down and pecked a kiss to Bertholdt's cheek. His breath smelled slightly of beer, but Bertholdt couldn't complain. His breath probably did too. 

"I love it out here. I always feel relaxed when I'm with you. But especially now." Reiner laid down and rested his head on the pillow, then hugged Bertholdt close when he laid down with him. It was a warm night, and the radio that Reiner brought to the party was playing a song they'd both heard a thousand times. "I'm going to miss you, Bertholdt." 

"I'm going to miss you too, Reiner. I've been thinking about it. You leaving, I mean." Bertholdt closed his eyes and clutched at the front of Reiner's tank top. He'd tossed his flannel top to the side. Reiner side and closed his eyes while he held Bertholdt close, then gently ran his fingers through thick, black hair. Reiner pecked another kiss to Bertholdt's cheek, then one to his lips. Bertholdt swallowed at the intensity in Reiner's amber eyes. 

"I know, Bertl. I know. I'm really going to miss you too." Reiner was quiet, then buried his face into Bertholdt's neck. "I wish we had more time. I wish I told you how I felt sooner." A deep breath, followed by Reiner gently stroking his thumb along Bertholdt's cheek. "We have our whole lives to be in love, though." 

Bertholdt laughed very quietly, then looked into Reiner's eyes. "You think so? That we'll be together our whole lives?" Reiner stared at him, but kept stroking his cheek. 

"If you'll let me, I'll be with you forever." Bertholdt let Reiner squeeze him closer. Reiner hummed and then kissed Bertholdt's neck. Bertholdt squeaked and sighed, then smiled at Reiner. "I love you too much. Even if I'm far away, I'll love you and I'll be looking forward to the day I can come to you again." 

"Oh, Reiner. I love you too. Stay with me forever?" Reiner nodded happily, then leaned forward and gently brushed his lips against Bertholdt's. Bertholdt let Reiner snuggle him and peck his cheeks, then moaned when Reiner deepened the kiss. He clutched at Reiner's tank top with one hand and his blond hair with the other. "Hehe. You're so handsome, Reiner. The moon makes your hair so shiny." 

"Eh? I look good in the moonlight?" Reiner gave Bertholdt a toothy grin, then leaned forward for a passionate kiss. Reiner reached down and clutched at Bertholdt's ass, then kneaded it in his hands. Reiner kissed Bertholdt's neck, then smirked. "I bet you'd look really good in the moonlight too. You always look good, after all." 

"Reiner..." Bertholdt sighed when Reiner grabbed his tank top and pulled it off. Reiner's body was stunning; Bertholdt reached forward and ran his hand down Reiner's belly down to the blond treasure trail. Reiner watched Bertholdt let his hands roam, then gestured at Bertholdt to remove his own shirt. Bertholdt nodded and tossed off the t-shirt he wore, then leaned forward so their bare chests pressed together. Their bodies were hot against one another, but neither of them minded. 

"You're so handsome. It made me nervous competing against so many pretty girls for you." Bertholdt pulled back and looked at his boyfriend in confusion. Reiner leaned forward and kissed Bertholdt's neck, then licked the hot skin. Bertholdt squeezed his eyes shut while Reiner reached down and palmed at Bertholdt's crotch. 

"Competing? For me? What are you talking about?" Bertholdt got out once Reiner pulled away from his neck. Reiner pecked a line of kisses along his shoulder, then playfully looked at his love. 

"You're so fucking handsome, Bertl. It made me so nervous that so many girls, and a few guys, had their eyes on you. They flirted so much. I was so jealous." Bertholdt gasped when Reiner leaned down to lick one nipple while he played with the other. "I was afraid for a long time that if I waited too long you would start dating one of them." 

"R-really?" Reiner broke away from kissing at Bertholdt to look at him. "I never noticed..." Reiner processed what Bertholdt had said to him, then laughed and started kissing his chest. Bertholdt gasped again, and Reiner moaned at the sweet sound. Reiner felt immense satisfaction when Bertholdt reached down and started squeezing his hair. 

"I guess I can't blame you. I never noticed you loved me..." Reiner pushed the thought of missing Bertholdt's affection out of his head. He knew now, and that's what mattered. He kept kissing down, and the hair of Bertholdt's treasure trail tickled his nose. Reiner unbuttoned Bertholdt's pants. then tugged the pants and underwear down. Bertholdt felt his cheeks heat up whenever Reiner grabbed his erection and started idly stroking it. "The important thing is I know now, and I can show you how much I love you." 

Almost as though to punctuate his own sentence, Reiner started sucking at the head of Bertholdt's dick. Bertholdt gasped and put his hands in Reiner's hair while he started to bob his head up and down. Reiner glanced up and met Bertholdt's eyes. Bertholdt looked absolutely mesmerized, and Reiner smiled when he popped off for a breath. "More, Reiner." 

"You want more?" Bertholdt nodded, then rested his bed back down onto the pillow whenever Reiner went back to sucking him. Reiner reached another hand down and started fondling his balls. He was very gentle, and Bertholdt appreciated the affectionate care he got from his boyfriend. Reiner hummed and sucked, then pulled away. "You taste good, Bertl." 

"S-stop! That's embarrassing..." Bertholdt's face turned beet-red while Reiner laughed and nuzzled into his neck. After a moment, Reiner reached down and undid his own pants, then pulled off his pants and underwear. It made him feel awkward that Reiner was fully nude while he still had his pants on, so Bertholdt finished taking them off. As soon as he was naked, Reiner scooted forward and took both their dicks into his hand, then started stroking them. "Ah! Reiner!" 

"Yeah, you like that? I like it..." Bertholdt nodded and watched their dicks while Reiner squeezed them together. It felt good, and the way Reiner looked focused was so damn hot! Bertholdt swallowed, then put his forehead against Reiner's. 

"Reiner, do you still have the lube in your truck?" Reiner nodded, then sat up and quickly walked to his car. It was almost awkward, walking with a hard-on outside, but they were alone so it was okay. He grabbed the lube and a condom, then made his way back to the blanket. As soon as he laid down, Bertholdt pushed him on his back and sat on his pelvis. "Hand me the lube." 

"You taking charge tonight? You want it that bad?" Bertholdt ignored Reiner's teasing and reached a hand down to finger himself after he coated them in lube, Reiner simply laid back and enjoyed the show; the way Bertholdt moaned on top of him was nothing short of perfection. He reached out and gently stroked Bertholdt's erection while he fingered himself. "Let me put the condom on, Bertl." 

Bertholdt moved so Reiner could reach down to roll the condom on, then got back onto Reiner's lap. "Is it okay for me to go ahead, Reiner?" Bertholdt asked. Reiner found the politeness a little bit odd, but nodded regardless. He put his hands on Bertholdt's hips and squeezed the skin tightly while Bertholdt sank all the way down. "Ahh, yes." Bertholdt put his hands on Reiner's shoulders and slowly lifted himself up, then sunk back down. 

"You look so beautiful right now, Bertl..." The moonlight above him made him look like he came straight out of some fantasy movie. The crickets kept singing their song, but he barely noticed over the sound of Bertholdt panting into the air. Reiner moved his hands from Bertholdt's hips to his ass, then lightly swatted. Bertholdt opened his eyes and stared down at Reiner, then laughed and smiled. "I love you, god..." 

Bertholdt reached back and grabbed Reiner's hands, then threaded their fingers together. Reiner squeezed his hands, then brought one to his mouth to kiss. "I love you too, Reiner." Bertholdt adjusted so he was able to lean down and kiss Reiner. Reiner wrapped his arms around Bertholdt's back and hugged him, then started thrusting his hips up instead of passively letting Bertholdt ride him. Bertholdt gasped and clutched at Reiner's hair. "Harder, Reiner... ah! Fuck! Yes!" 

Reiner gasped. Bertholdt didn't swear very often. Maybe it was a little thing, but when Bertholdt swore during sex it was such a turn on. Reiner grit his teeth and felt the sweat drip off his brow while he fucked Bertholdt as hard as he could. Berthold panted and sat back up so he could look down at his Reiner. Bertholdt reached down and started jerking himself off while Reiner thrust into him hard and fast. 

"Reiner! Yes! Yes! Fuck!" Bertholdt groaned and felt himself come while he stroked himself. He came on Reiner's chest, and a small bit of it got onto Reiner's chin. Reiner laughed softly between pants, then took a finger to wipe the cum off his face. He sucked his finger, and Bertholdt shuddered. Reiner grabbed Bertholdt's hips and squeezed almost uncomfortably tight while he fucked Bertholdt. "Mmm... Reiner..." 

"I'm almost there, Bertl..." Reiner curled his toes and dug his nails into Bertholdt's skin, leaving faint red lines in their wake. Bertholdt watched Reiner with a relaxed smile... it made him happy that _he_ made Reiner feel so good. Reiner pulled Bertholdt roughly onto his pelvis when he came, him unconcerned with his loud moan. They were all alone, after all. As soon as Reiner finished coming, Bertholdt gently lifted himself off of Reiner and then laid next to him on the blanket. "Ugh..." 

Reiner grimaced at the condom and pulled it off, then tossed it aside. He had an old bag in his car for trash, he'd throw it away when they left. Reiner rolled onto his side and pulled Bertholdt into another kiss. More gentle, more tired. They were both exhausted after hanging out with their friends and then making love. They rested only for a few quiet moments before they decided to get dressed and pack up all of their stuff. 

Bertholdt had made a playlist of songs that reminded him of Reiner, and he played that through the truck's speakers on the way home to Reiner's house. Reiner found it cute, and he liked listening to the music knowing it made Bertholdt think of him. It made him feel loved. 

They were quiet going into Reiner's house, lest they wake Gabi and Karina. The guest bedroom already had a bed made up for Bertholdt. Reiner followed Bertholdt in and gave him a very tender kiss. "Sleep well, my Bertl. I'll see you in the morning. I love you." 

"I love you too, Reiner. Sweet dreams." Reiner hummed, then closed the door and went back to his own bedroom. Bertholdt pulled the covers back and slipped under the covers after he changed into his pajamas. 

Sweet dreams of Reiner and all his friends made for a restful sleep. 

  


The day it was time for Reiner to leave came far too quickly. He and Marcel were going away together, and they were using Reiner's truck to take everything they would need. It'd be a few hours before they got to Marley University; they'd be arriving sometime in the evening, most likely. Bertholdt would be lying if he'd said he hadn't cried himself to sleep the night before. 

He'd desperately wanted to spend the night at Reiner's house, but Reiner spent it with his mother and sister. Deep down, Bertholdt knew Gabi was upset her big brother was leaving. Reiner stayed over the night before last, they had their goodbye sex, and they'd be seeing one another again before it was time to leave. All of them were meeting up outside their favorite restaurant to say goodbye. 

Whenever Bertholdt and Pieck got there, they realized they were the last two to arrive. Gabi was sobbing while Reiner held her against his chest, but even Porco and Annie looked upset. Bertholdt swallowed thickly. Reiner really was leaving today, wasn't he? 

Of course he was. That was his stuff and Marcel's stuff in the bed of his truck. It hurt Bertholdt to see. But it was time for Reiner to go. 

"Bertholdt!" Reiner's eyes lit up, and Bertholdt could see he was misty-eyed. Reiner always was a big softie, especially when it came to his little sister. Marcel was gently running his fingers through Annie's hair, and Bertholdt could see the distress in her eyes. He understood. 

Pieck and Annie always did have a special bond, so naturally Pieck gravitated to Annie to comfort her. They all went into the restaurant to eat together one last time, and admittedly it was a lot of fun. They talked all about the fun things they did over the summer, about their get-togethers by the lake, about all the fun they had in marching band together. It was a lot of fun. 

But then Reiner and Marcel ordered their to-go meals and drinks, and they all knew it was time. The two of them put their food into the truck, then they all stood together by the truck. It was quiet, then Reiner crossed his arms and sighed. "Well... I guess this is it." 

The silence was broken when Gabi broke down and started crying. "Nooo! Don't go, Reiner! I don't want you to leave!" Gabi cried when Reiner gently picked her up and brushed her bangs out of her face. He gently kissed her cheek, then she buried her face into his chest. 

"I'm going to miss you too, Gabi. A whole lot. But I promise I'll call and I'll video chat so you can see me, okay?" Reiner kissed his sister's cheeks and then let her hug him. "I love you, Gabi. I promise I'll be coming home to see you. I'll be back again before you know it." 

Gabi nodded against him. Reiner's neck was damp from her tears when he gently put her down. "I'm gonna miss you, Reiner..." Gabi sniffled and wiped at her eyes. Reiner smiled at her sadly and ruffled her hair. 

When Reiner glanced over, he saw Porco hugging Marcel tightly. There were a couple of stray tears dripping down Porco's face, but Reiner found himself distracted from them when Bertholdt approached him and pulled him close. "Reiner... I'm going to miss you. So much." Bertholdt sniffled and choked out a sob, and Reiner finally felt himself start to cry himself. 

"I promise, I'm going to call you every day. I'll text you, we can video chat." Reiner shook his head against Bertholdt. "I'm going to miss you so much, Bertl. I love you. Please remember that, okay?" 

"I couldn't forget. I love you too. I'm going to miss you in the band... and the football team is going to struggle without you and Marcel." Despite his tears, Reiner snorted in amusement. He was going to miss all his bandmates, and the team. But again, it was time for him to go. "I'm going to visit you. Maybe I can get dad to bring the family up there for a mini vacation." 

"I'd like that, Bertl..." Reiner pulled away, then went to his truck and grabbed a small red bag. "I got you this present. Open it later tonight, okay? If you get really sad, just open it and think about me. Okay?" Bertholdt accepted the small bag and nodded. Reiner again pulled him into a tight hug and swayed their bodies gently. They heard Annie sniffle, and they knew she must be feeling the same way. Reiner pulled away. All of them came together and hugged one another. He leaned down and kissed Gabi, then came up and kissed Bertholdt. He gently ran a thumb along Bertholdt's cheek, then pressed one last kiss to his lips. "I'll see you later, Bertl. I love you." 

"I love you too." 

Marcel and Reiner got into the truck, and all of them came together and started waving their arms whenever Reiner drove out of the parking lot. Bertholdt started crying after the truck was no longer visible. But in spite of that, he reached down and scooped up Gabi to hold her close. He took her home, then went to his room as soon as he was home. 

Udo, Pieck, and their father left him alone. They knew why he was hurting. And it was okay. Reiner wouldn't make it to the dorms and have all his stuff unpacked for several more hours, so he understood why Reiner wasn't texting him. He felt so lonely in spite of all of them getting together just a couple of hours before. After he let himself have a good cry, Bertholdt glanced at the red bag that Reiner had given him. 

Reiner did say to open it whenever he felt lonely. Bertholdt grabbed the bag and opened it, him finding a note and a small box inside. He took the paper and read it. 

_Bertholdt. I know you're sad. I've probably not even been gone that long. But I already miss you and I'm counting down the time until I can see you again. One day, we're going to be together and we'll never have to say goodbye. I promise. I love you with all my heart. -Reiner_

Curiously, Bertholdt set aside the note and opened the small box. A pretty black tungsten ring sat inside. Bertholdt smiled. A promise ring. Reiner's promise to love him. To come back one day. A promise for a happy future. 

He was sad that Reiner was gone. But he smiled and slipped the ring onto his finger. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue soon, that will be the end of this story! Until then, I hope you've enjoyed the story so far!


	10. Epilogue

Reiner always was more of a morning person than Bertholdt. He'd actually woken up before the alarm on his clock went off, and he reached out to turn the alarm off so Bertholdt could sleep in. He was careful to not disturb Bertholdt from his rest, hard as it could be sometimes with his odd sleeping positions. Reiner gently ran his hand through Bertholdt's hair, then pecked his cheek. His stubble was rough, but it was okay. 

"Good morning, my Bertl. Sleep in as long as you want." It was Sunday. Reiner didn't need to wake up his husband. He'd be up before it was time to go to church. Their corgi, Fluffy, was curled up in the space between their legs, and was now looking curiously at Reiner. Reiner glanced back at his dog and smiled, then shook his head. "You coming with me, Fluffy?" 

Fluffy got up and trotted behind Reiner. Reiner quietly walked down the hallway of the home he shared with his husband, then quietly opened the door. A warm smile crossed his face whenever he approached the crib and reached down to rub his baby's belly. Very carefully, he reached down to pick up his son and held him close against his chest. "Good morning, Moses. Did you sleep well?" The answer would have been yes, had Moses been able to talk. Being six months old didn't lend much to being a conversationalist. Moses made a cooing sound while Reiner put him on the changing table. 

"You're already sleeping through the night... it's nice, but you need to stop growing up so fast on me." Moses didn't make a fuss while Reiner changed his diaper, then put him into a onesie. When it was time for church later, it would be better for Moses to be comfortable. Reiner felt warmth in his chest whenever he sat back down in the rocking chair and started rocking back and forth while he cradled his son. "Moses. I'm so lucky you came into my life. I love you." 

Obviously he and Bertholdt couldn't bear their own children. They'd started talking about children after they got married. As soon as Reiner finished his work at Marley University, he and Bertholdt moved in together in Liberio. And as soon as Bertholdt finished his academic career at the Liberio Art Institute, they moved back to their hometown in their very own home. 

As fate would have it, a woman in their church became pregnant. Everyone had been so happy for her, but she passed in childbirth. Because she had no family and the baby's father was unknown. So they adopted her son, and went with the name she'd so happily picked out for her son. Moses. Moses Braun. Reiner loved the boy so much, and so did Bertholdt. 

It was like a lifetime ago that Reiner was so terrified to admit his feelings for Bertholdt. It was almost like looking back on someone else's life. Back then he'd been convinced that Bertholdt only wanted to have sex with him, that he was only keeping him around until he found someone worth spending his life with. And back then, he'd become so disillusioned with his faith because of Pastor Nick that he really believed his loving God would hate him for being made just the way he was supposed to be. 

Of course, they'd had their fights. Their relationship was really put to the test during their long-distance years. He and Bertholdt fought. They cried. They forgave. And they made it through. Now Bertholdt was sleeping in the bedroom while Reiner cuddled their son. 

Tonight Bertholdt's father would be taking Moses for the night so he could get time with his grandson. And since they wouldn't have baby, they'd made plans to go down to the lake. Pieck and Porco were going too, as were Annie and Marcel. During the summers they all still got together, even if it wasn't as often as before. All of them had their own lives now, but their lives still included one another. 

Reiner glanced up from rocking his baby when the door creaked open. Bertholdt was standing there tiredly, but he still had a tiny grin on his face. Reiner stood and walked across the room, then handed Moses over to his husband. Bertholdt accepted his son and looked down at the brown eyes that stared back at him. "Morning, Reiner." Bertholdt watched Reiner walk out of the room, then followed him to the kitchen. He put Moses down into the high chair and got some baby food ready while Reiner started making coffee. "What do you want this morning? Hmm?" Moses didn't give a meaningful answer, and instead only cooed. 

"I'm glad you're up. He eats so much better when you feed him." Reiner started making a small breakfast for himself and his husband. They'd be going out to eat after church. Moses accepted the food that Bertholdt fed him. Reiner admired Bertholdt's adorable bed head, because it stood in such stark contrast to his usual put-together appearance. "I'm excited for church this morning. I have a good sermon written for this morning. I wanted to talk about how Jesus supports us in hard times." 

"That sounds nice, Reiner." Bertholdt never was religious in the way Reiner was. But his husband loved what he did, and he loved listening to Reiner's sermons. He was so dedicated to helping those in need, and Bertholdt knew Moses was growing up with a good role model. "Want me to dress Moses in something nicer?" 

"No, that onesie is fine. I'd rather him be comfortable than him be stuffy and overdressed." Bertholdt nodded and sipped at his coffee while he finished feeding their boy. Reiner and Bertholdt ate their breakfast, then got ready for church. Reiner always let Bertholdt pick out the tie he wore for his sermons. As soon as they were done, the two of them took Moses and his diaper bag and got into the car. "We can go eat with my family as soon as I'm done. Okay?" 

"Sounds good to me. I noticed the breakfast was light this morning, I thought you might have wanted to go eat." The drive to the church didn't take too long. They lived close by. It was the same church that Reiner had always gone to, until the months before it was time to go to college. Pastor Nick led to a sharp decline in attendance, and in the end he left for a more fringe church. Reiner never missed him. 

Now he got to preach at the church he loved so much as a child. It was a fluke, really. The church desperately needed someone, and wasn't exactly picky because their attendance had dropped so much. Slowly but surely, Reiner was working hard to return the church he loved so much to its former reputation before Pastor Nick ruined it. His mother and sister came to see him, too. The first time Reiner preached, his mother cried because she was so proud of him. 

Once they got to church, Bertholdt made his way to Karina and Gabi while Reiner went to prepare to deliver his sermon. While Reiner made his way to his small office, he caught sight of a young girl trailing behind him. He turned around and noticed the nervous expression on her face. 

"Uh... Pastor Braun?" The girl's voice was timid. Reiner cocked his head and approached her. She almost seemed to withdraw into herself, and he worried. Why might she be so anxious? He tried to be kind to all people who came to his church regardless of faith. 

"Yes? Are you okay?" Reiner frowned while he tried to remember the girl's name... but alas he couldn't. He was fairly certain her family was new to the church. He made an effort to remember names. 

"Uhm... are you busy before your sermon today?" Reiner blinked and watched her. She was so nervous, and he naturally felt the need to make her feel better. Reiner didn't really need to go over the sermon; he'd already had his notes prepared and knew what he wanted to say. "I... I just wanted to talk to you. Would after church be better?" 

"I have plans after church, but we have time. Come with me to my office. What's your name?" Reiner got his key and opened his office, then closed the door behind him whenever the young girl was inside. She sat down and looked at the photo on Reiner's desk. It was a picture of him, Bertholdt, and all their friends in high school. 

"Louise." She said quickly. She was fidgeting while she glanced around Reiner's office. His degree was on the wall, as was a picture of Bertholdt and Moses. He wanted to feel comfortable when he was working in his office, so pictures of his friends and family hung on the wall alongside some of his favorite quotes from the Bible. 

"What's bothering you, Louise?" Reiner fidgeted with the pen on his desk while Louise twiddled her thumbs and stared at the floor. 

"I... I've been confused, Mr. Braun. I think I like girls... but I'm afraid God will hate me if I do." Louise shook her head and sighed, then stared at the floor with a vacant expression on her face. Reiner smiled very softly and shook his head. She reminded him of a confused teenager that struggled with his own thoughts about his faith. "Is it okay if I like girls?" 

"Hmm. Louise, I promise you'll be okay. It's okay to be gay, and God will love you all the same. Let me tell you a story about someone who felt the same things you are now. He turned out just fine." 

Louise smiled in relief and listened to Reiner's story. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading my fanfiction! I really hope you liked it!  
> I'll be posting more fic whenever I get the chance.
> 
> Follow me on twitter! My dm's are always open ^^  
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/empresscactuar)


End file.
